The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I knew that it would be hard for my AW to get sober again after 8 years clean. I was scared of the chronic slipper syndrome. So when I thought she was coming up on 10 months I was think wow she really beat the odds. Oh well. Found out she can hardly remember the last 3 weeks due to pill abuse. All I saw was a tired, depressed, overworked person. I didnt see that she was messed up. Now I see that I did see but didnt see. I had asked her why she didnt pick up 9 month chip, why she hadnt got another sponsor, blah blah blah. I also found out she had used for a while about 4 months ago. Crazy. Here I am thinking wow this may turn out ok. Lol. The funny part is Im pretty ok. Alanon has worked. Im not even interested in what she is doing recovery wise right now. If she wants it she will get it. We were in an AA meeting the other day and when someone started talking to her I just ignored it. Usually I would listen to make sure they were telling her stuff I agreed with (I have 12 years sober). But I dont want to know anything. I dont want to be invested in her recovery program not one bit. Im just the husband on this on. Not the psuedo sponsor.
Your share brings back memories and the best one was when I learned to just love her for who she was including all the good stuff. She's a mom, hard worker, humorous and easy going, good cook, child of God, alcoholic. She was also the reason I found recovery myself. HP is cunning, powerful and baffling.
Keepng out of my Ex A 's way is so huge for him. I tried to be everything to him and really bought into that I could help him. I didn't. I just felt better when I was. I felt so much better I almost destroyed myself.
Boundaries are so hard for me. I have to remind myself so much is none of my business. As someone who has ptsd I live eat breathe eternal vigilance.
Welcome BR - it's so profound for me when I read a post from a "double winner" and see that A's in recovery also struggle to cope with active A's in their lives. Even those on "the inside" of understanding this disease can scratch their heads about it. I always thought that if I thought long enough, and read enough material, then I would fully understand the ins and outs of what the hell is going on. But I'm no closer - and it somehow comforts me to know that there's not any rhyme or reason here. It's like being a participant in "Who's on First" and finally realizing that it isn't a riddle......it's a joke.
I'm blown away by your recovery and the fact that you are able to simply accept, DETACH, and love.
....Im not even interested in what she is doing recovery wise right now. If she wants it she will get it....
Yay! That's right where I have been for the past 6 months. I gave up asking about is recovery because he either lied or was vague about it. So, his recovery must not be any of my business. I so relate to this post... especially the part about not even realizing that they are using again (or only "seeing" it in hindsight).
When my AH went to his first AA meeting, it was because of an ultimatum I made to him. Either YOU go to AA or I AM LEAVING YOU. I myself had not attended an Al Anon meeting at this point. He brought home the Big Book and I read it from cover to cover. It was because of this, that I realized that I needed Al Anon.
In the beginning, (before I started my own recovery) I would constantly question him about his recovery, and monitor his every move, believe me when I say that I was like Hitler. Needless to say, he drank even more, and to my knowledge, has only attended 2 AA meetings.
That was then, before Al Anon helped me to see how much I myself was in need of recovery especially since I am also an adult child of an alcoholic father. With the help of my HP I have made changes in myself and the way I act and react to his drinking. Our home is peaceful most of the time, unless I relapse.
Hearing from you helps me to see a different perspective. Thanks for sharing this. Keep coming back and once again welcome to MIP.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
