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Okay, I got home from school tonight and I have to be up at 5am to go to work. My AH goes to school too. He drinks on his breaks from class, because there is a liquor store in the same area the school is in. So, he left class early and I was already done, we left to go wait at the bus stop(we don't have a car).
He is so drunk, and when I got home, he was still sneaking little bottles of vodka(the tiny bottles that are shots). It is now 10pm and he is passed out. He has to be up at 2:30am to go to work. He was so drunk he didn't remember to set the alarm clock.
This will be his 4th day on the job. The 2nd day he was drunk and did a no-call, no-show. Not good. So if he does the same tonight he could possibly be fired, and that sucks because it'd be nice if he got a paycheck. He has the GIbill coming in for school cause we were both in the Navy, yet he hasn't made a school payment yet, and he's going into his overdraft in his checking account.
Yes, we have separate bank accounts, thank God.
So, do I set the alarm clock? I did set it to 2:30am. But, I'm thinking to myself, "I'm enabling if I do this". As much as it would suck for me if he lost his job...... it sucks no matter what.....
So people, I am going to change the alarm clock to 5:00am so I will wake up on time. I'm not going to "help" him. But in a way maybe I am, who knows.
What if this is the day, what if...... How many times have I said that..... I don't think I have anymore hope for his sobriety.
I'm not going to be his babysitter and make sure he gets up on time - he did it to himself and it's not my responsibility to get him to go to work.
I know this is not going to be fun in the morning when he realizes what happened, but oh well. He is not abusive so it's not like he'll get violent with me. I'm just wondering if he'll get smart, or get more drunk tomorrow.......
I know, I know..... Detatch..... I'm trying. Baby steps right?
Thank you all for being so wonderful and listening to me. I really appreciate the posts.
I guess I'll have an update tomorrow, I have to admit I'm very nervous. But I'm going to try to get some sleep anyway. I hate it when he's like this cause he snores when he drinks. Maybe I'll sleep on the couch instead.
Go with your heart sis. Just your heart and whatever you do be okay with it. If it works out don't brag...if it doesn't don't rant, rave or take responsibility. (gosh that works our to 3Rs...wow!! LOL) Get a good night sleep you depend on you.
I totally agree with Jerry. Do what your heart tells you to do. My heart would probably reach out and set the clock. I just cannot wrap my mind around not performing small kindnesses.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
This is the tough stuff I used to get totally bogged down with. in the end the A was absolutely non functional. For years he was up and down, crashed some, went back to work, crashed again he generally got up. i knew he was using but I was in incredible denial you are not.
When I left him I was still helping for months I would still be there if I were not in this room. As for taking care of myself that is a great mystery to me. I feel on overwhelm most of the time 24/7 and I no longer live with him!
I guess I'd set it but never say a word, I would not wake up at 2:30 and pry him out of bed if he doesn't move. If he got up and went to work I would not boast I had set the clock either. Don't know how I'd handle it if he asked me directly but it is a courtesy I would do if he wasn't drinking so why should I let his alcohol affect MY behavior? I have to live with me, If I do it out of courtesy, I may not be too hard on myself if someday when its not set out of forgetfulness.
Maybe if he asked directly if I had set it for him I might say something like, well, I do love you but don't be countin on it. Brevity would be key. :)
I am a real believer in allowing others to answer for their own behavior. However if you want to set it, do it.In his condition, he will lose the job anyway.I mean it is moot really. Are you going to be able to monitor him ever second?
turning on the alarm,calling in sick for them,making excuses,all the same thing, enabling.
But again, it is up to each one of us as to what we are willing to do or not do. If doing the alarm makes you feel better, why not?
Like I said,chances are he will be too drunk to work anyway.
For me I think this kind of a decision became part of the plan b. What did I need to do to leave. Sometimes I needed to carry on living with the A until I found somewhere else. When I started to make a plan b I stopped flaying around about his behavior. I started to think think think as my sponsor would say about what I needed to do next. I was in no position to just up and leave. So yes I did continue to deal with the A for some time as I formulated a plan b. Indeed I continued to deal with him long after I left him. As I worked the program it became more and more clear that he was never considering me in his acting out which progressed over time. Then I left him for good. Now I have no contact. Would you consider making a plan b maybe that will help with the agonising (speaking as someone who did that to the ninth degree). Maresie.
I have had a similar situation happen to me. I set the clock. I am still too "in this" to let his reputation at work get ruined. I have a feeling that someday, maybe sooner than i think, i won't set the clock anymore. For now, I will keep doing what makes me sleep easier.
