The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
And now I have an "aftertaste". I was watching my fav show on tv and the idea was that love knows no time frame and love can save lives. It was just really awsome and then my mother calls. I am immediatly scared because she never calls, especially at night. So that sent my mind racing. Also pissed me off as I was watching my fav show. She just wanted to know about a weekend next month that I asked her to watch the kids. It always has to be a big huge deal with lots of sighing and drama and then parades and hoopla when she agrees. And then the build up again of how she doesn't see them enough and I should bring them to her scummy house so that they may or may not wittness abuse. Um, no thanks not unless I really really have to. Then the bitching at me about her bills. This really gets to me. I am raising 3 kids, alone on 207 a week. And I am NOT abusing them, blaming them, raging at them, shipping them off to her. I am doing it. She makes over 100,000 a year and has no dependents. Hasn't had to help me out in a long while. But yet, her debt is MY fault. I didn't say a word. Which just gave her silence to fill with more bitching and blaming. God stopped me from laying into her about the important things in life. About loyality and care and family. I said nothing, changed the subject and hung up.
But while I was on with her, I was trying to look up an email on my space and I found out a friend from when I lived in Texas contacted me!!! I was so excited!! I haven't been in contact with those old friends in 16 years!!! And he remembered me! Oh, I am grinning ear to ear!!! God will take care of me if I let him. It's been my mantra the past few days and it has been working! A friend from the past....I laughed so hard with this guy.
So, from crying over the guy on my show and then feeling sick when my mother called and then a new old friend who cared enough to search me out. I remember him and have always remembered him, told stories of our times together. I guess I am blown away that he remembers me.....
Well, Serendipity, don't get me started on my mother. She gets me every time. She has shown me no sympathy since my AHsober left three years ago. If anything she is sympathetic to the A. She is also well off and can't get why I buy on sale and buy used cars. She talks about me behing my back with my sibs. I asked her to not do that. She always finds something wrong with me. And I am pretty that she doesn't love me and never has. Don't know what I ever did wrong except be me and that bugs her. So I hang up too.
A member shared something with me that may help. When someone blames me for something, then a good thing to say would be "You may be right. What do you think I should do about that?" That leaves the other person without the fight they are looking for. Your mother sounds like she is pulling a bait job with you. Also, I only answer my phone late at night from people who are safe for me. I know if I answer my phone late at night from an A or dysfunctional person I am asking for trouble. Hope this helps.
Hugs to you - my mom drives me nuts sometimes, too, but thank goodness it's not a lot of blame-laying on me. Just your usual "I love you so much! LOVE LOVE LOVE!" stuff, that even now, at 30 years old, I still have my "tweenager" response of "Jeeeeeeeeeezzzz mom.... okaaaaaaay. I love you tooooooo." LOL.
Sure am glad to have the love, though, even though I can be an ungrateful little brat when she's telling me.
Lisa. I love that response. "You may be right. What do you think I should do about that?"
