The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now that I am living separately from my AH and over the grief and the ripping apart from the sickly familiar, I have really grown to enjoy not being in a relationship with an alcoholic and I am still amazed how blind I was to who he is. It's been almost a month and I am proud of myself and there is no feeling of wanting to resume. We alanons definately have an addiction as powerful as theirs. Withdrawal from an alcoholic is an agony and there is no clinic for it. The desire to go back an have one more go is as powerful as their desire to have one more drink.!! He has done nothing about himself, and I knew he wouldn't at least not for many years or maybe never or maybe in a cataclysmic moment I dunno.... My life is not one that waits for him to change anymore, like my daily bread I fed on that one hope. "I'll just wait a little while longer and maybe when this happens he'll change..." He is still trying to control me and as I am living at home and him away, there are many bitter comments. Sarcasm and typical alcoholic statements. I don't like talking to him. He's just horrible. He tries to put this feeling on me like guilt I guess. It's like a ventriloquist but an emotional one. I found myself the other day talking to him and then trying to reason with him and getting all caught up in his Cr###p. And then I found myself trying to make him feel happy and cheer him up. And he just "made" me feel like its all my fault. There is no way I can feel good around him, just no way. He just can't be pleased and I don't care. thanks for listening. My life is better now by far.SB
Silver - you are such an inspiration here. I'm glad things are going so well for you. Thanks for this post. I needed to start my day with such hope for my own recovery!! ~R3
I too am inspired by your post and can relate. Just try to remember if you can, A's (and people who have separated sometimes not A's) will do the bare minimum to try to "hook" you back into thinking that they've changed only to revert back to themselves very very soon thereafter.
As you and I both know, it's taken us a lot of work and commitment to make changes within ourselves so of course it stands to reason that the same commitment would need to made of others if they want to change. The desire to change may be there but without the actions, all that there is the desire.
Way to go !!!! Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
This reminds me of my feelings, funny how the same they all are. Even more amazing about how oblivious we are! Sometimes I think I know he's the same but I can't stand him now... I guess when I was doing what he wanted and reacting the way he expected I was on his side and now that I don't I'm not. That's how it would seem anyway. I also have to caution about what Maria said, sometimes they pretend to be better and talk the talk but when it comes to walking the walk that is short lived so for me watching actions is of the utmost importance!
I admire your progress and understand how hard it is to detach from the A if you are still living with them. It is so easy to get hooked back into the "stinking thinking" . I'm glad your staying strong and growing spiritually despite what he does. Keep up the good work
Just love it, you keep me focussed on recovery too.
Change - what - ME!
Look in the mirror and see - what - THE REAL ME!
Take a walk into the forum and what do I see - Change - YOU!
Look at you and see - what - THE BUTTERFLY EMERGING THAT IS THE REAL YOU!
Thank you for the inspiration and the peek at this wonderful person that is beginning to radiate health. That is ((((((((YOU - honey bunny))))))))). A miracle in progress.
Hopeful
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
When I finally admitted to myself that it's likely my AH is going to go back to drinking, I finally told myself I need to stop putting my life and dreams on hold because maybe, just maybe, he's going to go back to drinking.
There are things I want to do and accomplish, and I'm going to do them regardless if AH drinks or not. Regardless of whether AH plays the deception game with me again or not. I'm going to move on and do what makes me happy. And if he drops the ball, I'll be fine, because I've been taking care of myself the whole time and in taking care of myself, I know I'll be able to handle life with OR without him.
SB, love your peppy posts, keep 'em coming! Love to read what you write, thank you so much. they really make me feel great (the exact opposite of how the AH makes me feel like crap!!! my problem, I know but just wanted to demonstrate a picture of whats good and healthy and positive and what is not, for myself) Hugs, J.
Thankyou everyone for your caring replies. Yes, I did get very sick and looking back at photos of me duing these times, my face looked so stressed and sad. I was a mess, ended up on anti depressants and was in this constant cycle of happy sad. He had me convinced that I was the problem, he reacted to me but was the other way around. He used to say I was the roller coaster. What me??? Yes me. I was insane but now sanity returns....thank God.
I am so happy to hear you are restoring yourself to sanity. I am doing the steps with a new sponsor and I am looking forward to being restored to sanity. I don't think I was ever whole but I know I can be healed.
My recovering AH is still controlling. Have they ever done a study on type A personalities and alcoholism? It seems to me that these types just want to control others because they can't control anything they do! My every-day quote to him is, "Worry about what you're doing, and not what I'm doing". But he can't just accept me the way I am. I say screw him.
And then I found myself trying to make him feel happy and cheer him up. And he just "made" me feel like its all my fault. There is no way I can feel good around him, just no way.
