The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some of you will be aware, from my early posts, that I am not able to attend face2face meetings, though if there was one near enough and I was able to get to it I would go.
Therefore I am wondering, it is 25+ years ago since I was able to attend a face2face meeting and my experiences were NOT good, would anyone like to share with me the topics that you have broached in your last face2face meetings as I feel I need some guidance in my study.
I do not wish any one to break any confidences here, I am simply asking you to share with me the sort of topics that you look at. They just might kick start something off in my head other than working my fourth step.
My literature base is very limited, in fact I only have two books. I do have a really wonderful Sponsor though our ideal situations do not make it easy to communicate, we do so via the internet. That is all part and parcel of being house-bound, and not being able to lay my hands on literature that otherwise may be available at face2face meetings.
It is hard to work this programme with only this forum as a base and guide, even though I do gain a lot of insight from the posts and responses that appear. However, I do appreciate that God has led me here and that I am accepted as one of the family.
With a grateful heart.
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
The last f2f I went to(sunday) the topics were the 2nd step ( it was our monthly step meeting) and misdirected anger (towards children) because of FOO issues. The meeting before that(friday) was a newcomers meeting. I get to 3 or 4 a week. The times that I haven't been able to go, I have lost my mind.
The lit is available at amazon.com. Maybe even on this site. But even with meetings, this board has been a lifesaver for me. It is here 24/7. Sometimes I don't have an opportunity to share, or I hear something I question but the meeting is over, and the meeting after the meeting is over and I can come here and ask or vent. This board gives me the freedom to say what I think and feel and not be concerned at all with the look on someone else's face. I love this place. it is the next best thing to a meeting. It works if you work it and you, Heartbroken, are working it!!!! I know people in f2f that have been there for YEARS and never even consider working their 4th step. You are amazing!!!
Serendipity, I have no idea what you are talking about. LOL
Yes I am feeling better, though I was taken to the emergency room on Friday night. Off to the doctors tomorrow when I hope a better prognosis will be forthcoming. Patience, patience and patience...is the way to go. This is why I want to know some of the topics that you all talk through. I can then contemplate some and ask if I am not sure. Thank you for the encouragement; and I do agree, this is the next best thing to a meeting, well it is the best thing for ME!
It is all about my card not being accepted by the US banks on line, even though I have the monies there in the bank. Rather annoying...never mind. Where there's a will there's a way! Love,
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
My last ftf meeting, this last saturday, the topic discussed had to do with blended families. How kids from different families get together as parents marry, divorce, and remarry. And how Al-anon is really one hugh blended family made up of all make and manner of people!
By the way, have you tried attending our online meetings here? At the upper left of the screen is a link, in yellow box, which gives meeting times.
It is a great way to get to a meeting if you can't get to one in person..and honestly for me anyway, every bit as good as face to face...except for the lack of real hugs!!!
LOL sorry! FOO= Family of Origin and BTW = by the Way. And I agree with David that the meetings here are as awsome as f2f minus the IRL = In Real Life hugs
I actually went to quite a few al anon meetings years ago and could not relate. I have had friends though who considered it a lifeline. I've seen steps discussed at face to face meetings and then speaker meetings. I have also seen tools discussed like detachment. I absolutely could not relate to face to face I don't know whether it was lack of judgement, denial what..but I did not relate.
I felt the same way about some other issues I have explored online with success. Finding a good meeting can be a challenge.
I don't get to many face to face meetings. I work most days and the rest of the time I am pretty much taken up with taking care of my dogs.
I have transportation issues.TheA destroyed the car(s).
I keep trying, but I get thrown off line when I attempt to get into one. Something to do with my firewall, and there is no-one around who has managed to fix that for me. I just don't seem to be able to join you in them, much as I would love to.
BTW - THANKS - BBFN - that's Bye bye for now
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
At our meetings, the chairperson chooses the topic, usually something that he/she has been thinking about. A good way to find a topic and get some ideas about it is from the daily reading - I often read it, and then look for other readings on the same subject, for a different perspective.
The literature is easy to get - there are links at the top of this page, or go to the official alanon site for links, to order, or just google alanon literature. One thing I would strongly suggest, to anyone, is to get the Forum magazine. It's cheap, comes once a month in a plain envelope, and has about ten short articles, on different subjects. Most of these are in the form of a personal share - a lot like a meeting with articulate people!
I bought most of my alanon literature at thrift shops - it's pretty easy to find. You can also get it from the library, which is a useful liberating experience for those who have been invested into keeping the 'secret' .
F2F has been key to me. I really could not function without them. I begin to lose my mind after about a week if I do not go (this is as long as I have not gone and I do not care to find out what it would be like to push it any further!). I go 2-4 times per week.
The facial gestures, tones of voice, looking into peoples eyes, seeing and hearing are all super important to me so no, the on line meeting is not going to come close. If I lived where there were no F2F meetings, I would move or to put it another way there is no way I move to a place that did not have lots of al-anon meetings. But that is just me.
Since I go to a variety of meetings they are all a little different yet all structured the same. Al-anon has a new meeting guidebook that just came out along with the most recent Al-anon/Alateen service manual 2006-2009. It costs exactly $1.
Tonight, I am going to a speaker meeting. Once a month this group has a speaker meeting. Once a month its a step meeting where we focus on the step of the month (12 steps/12 months) and likewise we work on the tradition of the month, too. Once a month we have a literature topic. Each meeting is led by a different person who signs up on a calendar. If they do not show up, someone else will jump in. Hope this helps. Hugs, J.
Lin, Literature...top of page, no I cannot buy it from there, have already tried. My card is not one that is acceptable to this site. Boo hoo.
Chairman topics, for example....what might some of the topics be? How do I get the Forum magazine, and can it be posted out to England, or is it an on-line thing?
Jean, Literature topics, for example....what might some of the topics be? Speaker topics, for example....what might some of the topics be?
Thank you both for general ideas, I would welcome examples if you feel you could share with me as David and Serendipity have done.
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
There are a variety of kinds of literature. I once did a lit meeting just out of my Courage to Change daily reader. I have used pamphlets such as the Merry-Go-Round one, the checklist of "have you been affected by someone else's drinking?", there are GREAT alateen checklists: one of my favorites is the Daily Checklist of Myself. Right now my favorite book is the Paths to Serenity book which goes into a lot of detail about the Steps, Traditions and Concepts.
A speaker is usually an al anon member but occasionally we have in an AA member, like tonight. Once we had a therapist in from a local recovery center who was really terrific. Al-anon speakers are usually pretty comfortable telling their story- how they came into the rooms, how alcohol has affected them, etc. Or they will focus on a particular topic such as Sponsorship, Detachment or Acceptance and go into personal stories of what this really means to them or how they practice these things in their lives.
Again, its so wonderful to be in the rooms, its an enormous relief and feels so very dang comfy. Hugs, J.
Here's a page explaining the Forum, with links so you can order it. It looks like it ships anywhere. http://www.al-anon.org/forum.html
I googled alanon UK, and found a contact address in London with a phone number - they have a literature order form, but it's kinda hard to read, and hard to know what you want from the form. You might be better phoning and talking to a human, in order to order books and pamphlets. Here in Canada they let me pay with a cheque, don't see why it would be any different there.
Here's a sample of the kind of things we might base a meeting around.
The Slogans Shame Secrets Fear Enabling Choices Anger Boundaries People Pleasing Resentment Higher Power Fellowship
(((((Heart))))) I don't think your so broken anymore ;)
My last Al-Anon meeting the topic was on anger vs. rage. We discussed rage as being negative emotions that are stuffed to the breaking point. We also discussed ways to identify these negative emotions and let them be felt in the moment, so they would not turn into rage. Also that it is normal for newcomers to have a lot of pent up rage and that dealing with negative emotions will allow that rage to slowly dissolve over time.
The meeting before that the topic was Anonymity, Messages and Messengers. We talked about hearing the message regardless of who the person speaking is. The 12th tradition states "principles above personalities". My own share related my experience that people in the program, regardless of how long, are still imperfect human beings. Many times we can talk "program" real well even if we have a hard time following it ourselves. That doesn't mean we should discount what a person has to say.
Anyway hope that helps. Feel better soon.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
"....ways to identify these negative emotions and let them be felt in the moment, so they would not turn into rage."
I want that!
Would you maybe start a new thread talking about this? This is exactly what I have been struggling with lately. I'm better at not stuffing, but this unfortunately results in things like shrieking in the dentist's office, or leaving the house for 10 hours. I would LOVE to hear some tips on "ways to identify these negative emotions and let them be felt in the moment."
Actually - I'll start the thread myself, and hope you put in your 2cents. (What??!! no "wink" emoticon????)
You should be able to order the Forum from the WSO (world service organization) website at: http://www.al-anon.org I don't know the cost for international, but it is $10 US for the United States. The Forum has a great part each month--an instant meeting. It gives you a topic and some questions to start discussions.
One of the groups I attended simply went through the index of the Courage to Change (it would work for ODAT or whatever literature that you have) for a topic each week.
My home group has a schedule depending on the week of the month: step, tradition, slogan, topic, leader's choice. The step/tradition meeting tracks the months of the year, the others are at the leader's discretion. You can find the slogans in the index of most CAL. As for topics, we've talked about self-care, powerlessness vs. ability to make choices, boundaries, gratitude, etc.
Hope this helps!!
__________________
Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Heart, here's the link for ordering literature from alanon uk:
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/literature/index.asp
This would be good for either pamphlets or books. For books, I have also searched for "alanon" on ebay, and have got some of my books that way. I'm sure ebay uk would be the same. One you know what book titles you're looking for you could also search specifically for them.
Another idea is to google or search on ebay for alanon speaker tapes, or recovery speaker tapes. Many of the results are AA related, but there are recordings of alanon speakers tucked in there too.
Can you set up a Paypal account with a uk card? That might be a way to buy things in the US. This seems so odd to me, I've ordered things from amazon.uk before (the "real" harry potter editions, lol), and had no problem paying with my us card.
One of my regular f2f meetings is a book study group. One person reads a paragraph or two, then shares whatever comes up from that paragraph. Others share on that paragraph, then the next person reads. We've been through the steps and traditions and steps again in Paths to Recovery, and now we've just started reading the new book Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses. (Oh! it has "Heart" in the title! This one might be good for you!!!)
My other regular meeting talks about the Step of the month on the first week of the month (ie, step 1 in January, step 2 in February, etc.). On the last week it's an anniversary meeting, where those who are celebrating an alanon anniversary that month share about their Alanon journey - what it was like when they came, what helped most in the beginning, what big differences they notice. If there's time, the meeting is opened up for other shares. On the weeks in between it's a discussion meeting as others have described. A recent meeting was on "progress not perfection".
There are also other online meetings - you can check out ola-is.org (OnLineAlanon-InformationService) for ideas. In the US they also have phone meetings - kinda like a giant conference call - your uk information service might know about that where you are. Or not - I heard about it at a meeting, but I don't think our information service has it. Can't hurt to ask.
Another possibility that I have heard of is an email chain meeting. I'm not sure how they work but I could look into it if you want to pm me. I think my sponsor may have mentioned one.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
made up of all make and manner of people!
