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My cat Spooky is precious but today she acted out--actually this morning and knocked a few important things off a table onto the floor and I really lost my serenity! She has recently been left alone inside because our other cat got sick and we had to put her to sleep. Anyway, she has been acting out a lot and I am concerned about being abusive toward her! I am basically not a pet person because I have never really had a pet in my life for very long. I always thought that I would love a cat-- just one. I have had several cats but really only love this one because I picked her out myself. Now I feel like she is the object of my frustrations and have been abusive to her in the past! So, today I yelled at her and scolded her without touching her. Am I a horrible person for all this? I mean, do I deserve to go through this much frustration over my own pet? Do I make any sense at all? I really am not a violent person but when I am angry, like when my husband abandoned me, I took my anger out in a negative way in times of stress. I have been known to throw things and act out! I have even hurt myself. But today I realize what I am doing and try to do the right thing and think before I do something irrational. I do seek counseling twice a week and today I will talk to my counselor about all this--actually in a little less than an hour. There is so much i need to vent! Does anyone have any ESH on this subject? I would appreciate some feedback.
Once upon a time I thought a cat would make a great pet, too. My husband and I got a cute little kitten from the animal shelter, took him home... and then the Control Monster in me became highly agitated with the cat. He'd crawl into things where I didn't want him to be. He'd pee on the couch, he'd poop just outside his litter box, he'd chew up cords, jump on the counters, claw up the window screens, dump his water all over...
Yeah, he drove me crazy.
My last straw with that cat was when he peed on our brand new couch for the third time.
And yes, I would get really, REALLY mean with that poor cat.
I think cats and any non-caged animals are for people who are really tolerable and not perfectionists. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to control our cat. And, to a point, he was fairly trainable... but his natural get-into-everything instincts could not be trained out of him.
We found him a new home, but it was under the premise of my having had it with the peeing on the couch. I never told my husband how dangerous I'd be to that cat. But the poor thing did become an outlet for my frustrations. And it scared and hurt me how I could take that out on something so defenseless. In any case, he's in a new home now with a little girl who loves him and a family that can tolerate free-roaming pets and all the mischief they get into. I'm sure he's much happier, and I'm happy he's not there with me as a target for my frustration. He never deserved that. He's just a poor little animal.
Hmmmm. I have a serious problem with taking out frustrations on an animal. Don't get me wrong; I don't like anger taken out on people either. The poor cat is not the cause of this, and should not be taking the brunt of the feelings you are having toward someone else. I can not imagine striking an innocent animal...that's just me. I would recommend you rehome the cat.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 08:59, 2008-02-27
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I don't think you sound abusive at all. My little cat Ruby has been hyper active since her friend Benny died. She misses him. I certainly yell at her when she knocks stuff over. I am human not a saint. I don't consider that abusive.
If you love this cat and it sounds like you do give yourself some space. You are human.
You don't have to be perfect. I always feel I am not doing enough for my pets when in actual fact I have gone to great lengths for them.
I find my pets both stress relieving and stress ful. Yesterday I had to run out and get them some food. Would any of them come in from the yard to let me do that nope.
I no longer hold myself to exacting standards. I slip and yell but that's about it. I am no longer a saint.
I understand your frustration with your cat. As much as I love Pipers Kitty, she can be a bit of a handful. AH can be a perfectionist, but has always been more tolerant of animals than people. One thing about cats (which I adore) is that they are fiercly independent. But they can also need guidance. I keep a squirt bottle handy so when she jumps onto a place that she's not suppose to, she gets down. It could be that Spooky just wanted your attention at that moment. Pipers will pounce on my back when I'm sleeping and not lightly. Eventually I get up, but not always. Pipers was also a rescue kitty. The woman that rescued her gave her to me because she abused Piper. So I am ever vigilant how I discipline her. But I do discipline her.
The fact that you don't want to hurt Spooky is a good sign. The fact that you are talking to your councelor is also a good sign. You are on the right path. Perhaps you aren't meant to keep Spooky. There's nothing wrong with that. Animals can be a handful, just like As. If you feel you can't take care of her the way you would like perhaps you might want to look for another home. However, the love of an animal is unconditional. I have seen Pipers reduce the tension between the A and I. She knows when we are having bad days, and has been especially helpful to A during his recovery from foot surgery as well as his sobriety. I can't imagine my life without Pipers (I would prefer she doesn't bring home frogs to me. ) This was pretty tense household before she came along. She provides us with lots of laughter and that's important. Do what is best for you and Spooky will be okay. Love and blessings to you and your family and Spooky. I had a black cat named Spooky when I was a little girl. I lost her to a car accident. It broke my heart for such a little girl.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have had cats my whole life. Dogs too, and while dogs are great!, I have always preferred cats. I like their independence and self sufficiency.
I currently have two kitties in my life. They live outside, by their choice , though I admit we are both very happy with that arrangement.
In the past I have had "inside" cats too, and that can definately be frustrating when they get up to "no good" and I have definately yelled at a cat that has done something wrong...like pee on clean laundry. Cats can be trained like Karilynn mentioned and a squirt bottle or squirt gun is a great tool!
And they "know" when they have been bad. Once I had a big white persian cat living in the house...this cat got very attitudinal as she got older and began doing wonderful things like peeing on my bed, etc. She finally was given away.
I am grateful for the two cats that hang with me now. They greet me when I get home, and comfort me when I am down.
I was standing on my front porch the other night and bent over to pick up Mr. Norbert, my big fluffy orange friend, as I was holding him I somehow lost my balance........ and started to fall into some bushes that line the front of my porch! I needed free hands to catch myself but they were full of orange cat!!! I couldn't just throw him, so down I went into the bushes!!! Norbert was fine shielded by my body, though he was a tad excited by the unexpected activity, but my legs got scratched up pretty good..as I was wearing shorts.
I picked myself up and sat down on a chair I have on my porch....a few minutes later, Norb comes over to check on me and jumps up in my lap.
Animals are so great!!!
I sorta got off topic here!! lol....but anyway, I am glad you posted this, and I hope you and Spooky get things worked out for the best!
I have a cat who is Bipolar. Seriously. She has all the same symptoms as my ex. The mood swings, the rage, the acting out for no apparent reason. She is a psyco. I did have her on prozac for a bit but it did nothing for her. I say this with love and a bit of humor.
She is half siamese ( they are snotty on a good day) and part ferrel (nice term for wild cat) So, genetically speaking, I don't blame her for being a B****. She is a great mouser, though. I haven't seen a mouse in years. She has taken down bats in the house, snakes, flying squirrels, bugs. She earns her keep.
I feel bad for her, but I have learned to accept her the way she is and apperciate what she does to earn her keep. I give her a pat when she will let me (very rarely) and I talk to her all the time (which seems to tick her off also). She used to jump up on my lap and I would be petting her and she would be purring and all would be right with the world and then out of NO WHERE she would attack me! Claws, screaming, biting and then run away! I mean a sneak attack like that was so reminicent of my A that I would actually get up and chase her, yelling right back at her that there was NO reason for THAT!!!!! Again, who is the crazy one in this senerio? Just like with the A, I would up looking like the crazy one!!
Everyone said get rid of her, take her to a farm, she's not worth it, put her to sleep. I couldn't do any of these things. I made a commitment to her when I got her and I intend to honor that commitment. Besides, look at all I have learned from her. Tolerance, patience, staying calm when all I want to do is run (when she decides she wants some love). That everyone doesn't give or recieve love the way I expect them to.
My best friend's mother has had cats and dogs over the years and always winds up giving them away after a year or two. She just can't handle them, she travels too much, she loses interest, they wreck the funiture. And then she always regrets giving them away. I swear I always wonder how she raised 2 kids but then again, my bestfriend did move out when she was 16....
I don't know, Hoot, maybe this cat is in your life to teach you something. Maybe she is just a cat. But will you really be less stressed without her? What is the TRUE source of your stress?
P.S. my "good" cat has been a little more aggresive and naughty the past few weeks, I do believe it is the weather. He's got a bit of "cabin fever".
Actually I relate very much to your share and then some. I get that angry, yell, swear and throw thing even at inanimate objects. What is my frustration about? Things not going my way when I expect then to -and- not having personal control all of the time even without working for it. Nothing is supposed to disturb me. Nothing is subbosed get in my way. My theme song used to be "If I ruled the world". Of course I don't like the way or the outcome of my loss of control so then I beat up on myself also. That kinda rounds out my anger and rage...I get to pound on everything me included.
I need to practice what it was that I use to teach in Alternatives to Violence classes (yes I did and I was very good at it too). Give myself at lease 3 seconds between what happens that will have an effect on me and then choose the effect. Course even the teacher needs to practice it to get some experience heh?
Let me know what your counselor told you if it isn't too difficult for you. A PM would do fine. I'm always wanting to learn new stuff.
I'm a dog person (only because I am allergic to cats... I had cats first!). I LOVE my dogs... and anyone who knows me knows that I am CRAZY about dogs.
However, when going through the loss of a coherent A-bf, I am not my usual self... I am anxious about the A-bf, anxious about our future, blah, blah, blah... and that leads to anger, rage, & depression. My poor, poor doggies have had to put up with my rages.
I don't beat them or anything; I am just not a stable pack leader (as Cesar Millan would have me to be). I have temper tantrums, and curse a LOT. The dogs look so pitiful when I am doing this. I thank doG that they are not children! (How do you people with kids DO this???)
It's normal for a kitty to act out when stressed - and missing a friend is a big stress for a cat just as for a person. My brother & his wife used to practice what they called "good kitty karma"- when the cats were acting out, they would pause & usually realize they hadn't been giving them much positive attention because... they were stressing about something else in their lives. So the kitties were feeling confused ("why are things different from normal?") plus picking up on their peoples' stress.
So they would make it a point to spend some time with the kitties - personally I think this would be a great time to talk alanon to yours - - tell them they were good kitties, they loved them even when they didn't appreciate the behaviour, etc. Cats are amazing at picking up on feelings and intentions even when they don't get the individual words. And, lo and behold, the kitties would start behaving better.
This might be too much, but I've also heard (and experienced) that 2 cats can be less work than 1 - what about getting another kitty friend? Especially for an inside kitty who's not going to be smelling all the "news" from outside. Not a replacement, but somebody else for your kitty to share his hurt with, instead of taking it out on the furniture.
) This was pretty tense household before she came along. She provides us with lots of laughter 
and that's important. Do what is best for you and Spooky will be okay. Love and blessings to you and your family and Spooky. I had a black cat named Spooky when I was a little girl. I lost her to a car accident. It broke my heart for such a little girl. 
, though I admit we are both very happy with that arrangement.
.... and started to fall into some bushes that line the front of my porch! I needed free hands to catch myself but they were full of orange cat!!! I couldn't just throw him, so down I went into the bushes!!! Norbert was fine shielded by my body, though he was a tad excited by the unexpected activity, but my legs got scratched up pretty good..as I was wearing shorts. 