The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can't sleep,time for a change in med. and cortisone shots. And maybe a husband?
I was asleep, trying to make myself dream of my first husand. Woke up and instantly said,God please, I need a good mate...sigh. this is one thing that has not been answered.
Probably becuz I have not done the footwork. so do I put on some nice jeans, my boots, pretty top and hang out at the feedstore and or dump?
it is rare to find a single man in my religion, especially at my age. we tend to stay married forever. If you follow what the bible says, I mean both of you, it makes for a cool marriage. It is funny because it says the man is the head of the house, however he is to speak to his wife about decisions,and to treat her with respect and love her.
Yet the best marriages I have seen, it is so cute how he will openly say, well she really is the boss you know.
sigh. I guess I still have work to do. Was again upset today about how I treated my first husband. If I had been the wife I should have been things would have been so different.
I know life is not fair.I do.But dang it I am so alone and sometimes so lonely.
The problem is,sometimes,lotsa times I am not well enough to leave my bunkhouse.
(((((Debilyn)))))) I know what you mean. Some days (many days) I feel like I'm all I need. I don't have to bother with anyone else, I can do what I want, when I want, how I want, where I want - and there's no-one there to question me or tell me no. I like that. On the other hand there's no-one there at all. If I'm sick, if I'm scared, if I'm lonely.....it's just me, myself, and I - and that can be no fun at all. My big thing is that I don't want just any warm body, though. And I don't know that I'm willing to do all of that footwork to make a relationship. I'm lazy. And I'm selfish. So that's probably not going to get me anywhere. lol
I told a friend last night that I feel like HP sent me "the one" already in my life (3 times) - but as luck would have it - I can't keep him. Alcohol has him - and looks like alcohol may be keeping him. It breaks my heart every day.
Maybe when I truly let go of that - then I'll be ready (willing) to open myself up to new possibilities.
In the meantime (and doesn't life happen "in the meantime"?), I'm going to be sticking close to HP and working on the things that I need to work on for me. And there's plenty to keep me busy there!!!
Hang in there, Debilyn. I think when our spirit is TRULY open to a new relationship, it will come - but as you know - it will be in HP's time.
Glad you are sharing and nothing you say is boring!
Know the feeling well, can't sleep, ache where one would not believe one could/would have aches the meds, the cortisones, the 'husband-thing', the what's it all about, why is it just me, myself and I (as R3 puts it)?
Then I get some good sleep, I achieve the smallest task, I come here and chat to my new family, and I see that it is not just me, myself and I. My God has something much bigger in mind for me and that was to give me the tools and abilities to be 'with' so many others, not just ONE person.
He wants ME to Himself, so that I can do what He wants me to do, and then I don't feel quite so lonely.
Well, that is how it is for this moment in time, there's no telling what I will feel like tomorrow, but then again, tomorrow's another day.
Love you, sending you wonderfully peaceful and warm thoughts of companionship that I hope will get you through this time.
Hopefulheart
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
LOL the feed store of the dump? I hadn't thought about meeting my next husband in those places!! I'm gonna put on my cute boots and head for the dump!!! I'll let ya know who I find! How about a meeting? Or church? Or the internet? Coffee house? I know desiring a partner. I am not currently. I have tried the internet and some dating sites. Most of the guys have issues (so do I but theirs are blinding!) but I have connected with a few who filled that lonley spot for a bit. Just chatting online. Never really wanted to meet them IRL. The fantasy was enough for me. Ok, know you are loved here and I am off to the feed store (which will be kinda wierd as all I have are 2 dogs and 2 cats....maybe I will invest in some pigs or goats or something....all for a man? LOL not today!)
Debilyn, you cannot change a thing as concerns first husband. Please, dear one, put it to rest so that you can rest easily too. Easier said than done, I know. And as for that new man...My dear mother always said to me when I was young and between boyfriends, "He isn't going to walk up to the house and bang on the door. You have to get out and MEET him!" Wise words from a very wise and lovely lady.
I am hoping with all my heart that you find someone who is just right for you. But....like Mom said, you gotta get out and look!!!!
As always I send you lots of hugs and good wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Oh, debs, I wish you were here, we could go dancing at the country "club" together. You would love it.....country music all night long!
I was drowning in loneliness, too, until I finally somehow got myself (or HP got me!) back up on my feet. Wearing my cute boots.
Isolation is horrible for me, too. I have had to FORCE myself to get out again. But once I did, I want to live again.
I am terribly sorry about your first husband. But it sounds like you both loved each other a lot. I have lost some people I really love too. Sucks. But remember the beautiful memories. They are what make us who we are today. We are the sum of our experiences, our memories.
Wishing you a day of feeling better, peace, and remembering the love you have had in your life. Sometimes just remembering mine helps me make it thru the day.
