The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A few years ago I was working at a college. Students would visit the office everyday. I was taught very early in life to be nice to everyone no matter how I really felt. A student came into the office one day and I felt an intense feeling of dislike for him. I would not say hello to him when he came in the office. My colleagues would tell me I was being rude. I didn't care and there was something inside me that could not pretend to like him, so I would never speak to him. Six months later, I received a phone call at home from my manager. She told me that this guy was on the news for entrapping and molesting a little boy. I knew it deep down inside and chose not to ignore my gut. This was a lesson in learning to trust myself. I don't have to be "nice" because that is the "right" thing to do for the other person. I can do what is best for me and trust myself.
Kissers, yes, I very rarely get that feeling with certain people and it is rare, like you described. Its quite remarkable like a bloodhound that can smell things the rest of us cannot sometimes! I do manage to stay polite but I remain wary and careful.
When I was at my rock bottom, I would not have had the ability to trust myself that way or ANY way. I could not even trust myself to figure out how to get to the grocery store without asking for directions, for the love of god...it was so sad and ridiculous. This disease is ruthless that way. Hugs, J.
There have been many times when I felt that there was something wrong, but chose to ignore it. When I did that, I wound up in the frying pan. I knew something was wrong! I always told myself, "Ignore it and it will go away". This is how I dealt with my A father growing up and the exBFA. It was the only way I could cope. That feeling I get when I feel something is not right is a warning sign for me. Doubt means don't. I can't afford to put on the rose colored glasses anymore.
See, for me, doubt is one of my character defects BIG TIME. I used to use doubt to be really controlling. Drove everyone around me nuts. Drove me nuts. Mostly, though, I doubted myself. Not any more thanks to this program! J.
Good for you. I know when I have a visceral reaction I need to work with it rather than ignore it. I ignoed and denied so much around the A. I had huge huge huge red flags early on and did not know what to do about them like run.
