The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
But for the grace of my HP I guess. I was walking home from work last night in yet one more snow storm (try to imagine this Jerry F, he, he). I just could not get past my present situation. You work and live a lifetime to be a good person, eat well, exercise, have kids and raise them well, work, work hard, work harder and save all that money, plan and plan some more, get help, get more help, go to treatment, go again, talk to your husband, try a different angle and talk to him again, realize he isn't there for you, go to meetings, go again, read the CAL, and reread it and then it slowly sinks in what you are up against. And then at the later side of life you find yourself going home to an empty house, well, it wasn't empty the night before because your son, girlfriend, and first grandbaby came for the night and my house is filled with love. And no one is around because it is the weekend and my colleague and go to Friday night at the library, talk to neighbors in this small community. And no one calls except the youngest who never calls wanting one of my recipes. Hope I have enough wood and food because I think I am snowed in again one more time this winter. Wish I had someone to turn to in the morn and say do you want to go X country skiing? So I say to my dogs do you want to go X country skiing and they wag their tails. Swoosh!
How did I get to where I am? I have no idea. I know that you all at Alanon are always there and that you truly understand. Going out to ski and say my prayers. It really is beautiful today. Thanks for listening.
At first I thought, join a ski club, join some groups but then I thought you know, sometimes, we just need to be one with ourselves. We can get so caught up in activities to postpone the feelings we need to feel.
So my friend, enjoy your peaceful day, know that you are loved by your HP, by us and by your wonderful furry friends. Those furrys are the greatest gifts of all - unconditional love and honor.
love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Right there with ya, Nancy. I understand that feeling of waking up and wondering what happened to me while life was going on. Where was I? We work and plan and nurture and worry and hope and dream and let go....and then we wake up and wonder now what?
You sound like you're in a good place, though. Life is what happens while we're busy making plans.
Enjoy your day. It's a cool sunny one here and I'm about to go experience it myself.
yep, NM, I wonder also. The other night I was going over many many aspects of my life and thinking about what an incredibly interesting and wonderful life I have had so far. I felt really grateful- even for the heartache and sadness and pain of which there has been plenty.
I feel so very much older than my years. I feel like I am 200 but in a good way- so many experiences packed in! I really have had a great life and have no regrets. I feel so lucky. Even though I am alone now and may be for the rest of my life (as in waking up alone, etc), its totally Ok because I have had so much and I am doing and feeling good, one day at a time.
When the time comes, I will leave this place joyfully. Glad to have done what i did, became who I became, and glad to go when the time comes. Hugs, J.
Oh Nancy you should have started that one with "Once upon a time". I tried my darnest to relate and couldn't even get close. I know about the kids and grandkids and wagging dog tales and the like but I just don't like snow!! I have tried and tried but...? We have snow up on Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa around the 9 to 13k foot level and it's really white and it makes getting up in the morning cold for this Pacific Islander but that's it enough. Skiing? Use to own a ski boat and did water skiing...bring the snow close and I am in a warm shower. I woke up under the influence of the sun...Hot, clear days and working on a metal roof with my obsessive, compulsive character has got to change. I start and don't come down for anything including food and water for 5 hours or more. I belong here. I am qualified. Imagine how my alcoholic use to feel with me starting out on her, trying to get her straight without stop. Poor gal drunk and hung over with a raving Orangutang hanging around her neck.
So I didn't take your picture. I got it and I heard your giggle but how would you have liked to wake up without artificial heat, put on shorts and a tee, ran off to the Super Saturday AFG morning meeting and then off to the park or beach with the dogs (or without them maybe) huh? Where would you keep the skis? I haven't the foggiest.
I didn't wake up in perfect condition but it could have been worse....snow.
You took the words right out of my mouth. But we are right where we are suppose to be. (Sometimes that's comforting, sometimes not.) Your description of snow sounds lovely. I haven't had enough snow here to go snowshoeing, so I am "white with envy". When I am the most stressed, I take a long walk in the falling snow. A little bit of heaven here on earth. Call me, I'll come keep you company if you're snowed in anytime. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
