The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello friends! I am so blessed to be on this amazing journey! And I, for once in my life, made the decision to make it!! I have never experienced the feelings that I have at the moment. I think I am feeling what freedom is like. I have been deceived for a long time. Though I still fluctuate ,I am, one day at a time, disentangling myself from my husband. I nearly fell back in the hole again and was toying with the idea of letting him come home but sleep in the back room, where his habits wouldn't disturb me!! How silly! We have seen each other a few times, had a hug goodbye and I know he is just waiting for the moment when I say, "come back again...." But, he is not going to hear me say those words!! I have been ravaged enough by this disease, 13 years of rollercoastering has made me "ga ga"
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and I need some sanity and peace.
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I am scared to admit even to myself that I don't miss him much. I have discovered a little gem of a book called Getting them Sober, thanks to whoever mentioned it in a post. My eyes have been opened to the monstrous deception I have fallen for. "I won't let any woman control me" "You're more insane than I am" "I've got my problems but I've done my best" These statements and many more have confused me so much over the years. And even now, after we've separated he still says them! Since we have separated I have been just a tad too sympathetic and feeling sorry for him and allowed that to draw me back to nearly quitting. There is always a heavy unresolved feeling when I see him. I hate that feeling. Whew! Thank God, MY God led me to find that book before I fell back in the hole.....Thanks Alanon, I am eternally grateful for this fellowship.
Gives me hope that some day I will find the strength I need to do what needs to be done. I have long ago accepted the things I cannot change, now just working on that courage. Sanity and peace will come.
I love his statements. Alcoholics have their perceptions and feelings and often times they are not far off from being very informative. The first statement reaction, Okay I give up control (steps1, 2, 3). Next response, "How very obvious, I'm leaving to go get help". And the last one, "I know with help that you will do better." Of course this is hindsight speaking now. Without program my alcoholic would have been a dog fight with those statements to me. Serenity is restored. Jerry F sitting back and letting go and letting God.
This is an amazing journey we are on. One of my favorite readings is More on the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie. A book of dailey meditations and exercises that have been incredibly helpful to me. Talk about learning how to detach in a positive way. Keep up the great work. This program truly is a life saver. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I love reading how you are enjoying your peace and freedom while feeling sadness and compassion at the same time.
I need to read "Getting Them Sober" once again. I read it quite a while ago when my ah was essentially faking sobriety, and I was too! Somehow, I think I will read a different message today.
Continue to be good to yourself.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
My eyes have been opened to the monstrous deception I have fallen for. "I won't let any woman control me" "You're more insane than I am" "I've got my problems but I've done my best"
"blah...blah....blah."
Since we have separated I have been just a tad too sympathetic and feeling sorry for him and allowed that to draw me back to nearly quitting. There is always a heavy unresolved feeling when I see him. I hate that feeling.
Yeah me too....I have been living seperate from my AH for a little over a year now I felt especially sorry for him when he was having hip surgery in Nov. so I offered to care for him, he agreed and seemed happy about it. In the surgery waiting room a woman walked up to me, and introduced herself as my husbands friend, and that he came to visit her when he wanted to disappear. Nice....eh!! He was so mad when she would show up to the hospital room at the same time as I and our child, or his older child and ex-wife would. He pretended she was after him (blah..blah...blah).... Well, this showed me what kind of recovery he's been having the past year. Thank God for showing me before I landed back in the hole also.
Well sometimes for me the unresolved stuff can stay for ever. I did a fourth step on old relationships in the past few years.That helped with some past stuff. I finally let go. The last 7 years have been particularly hard for me. Boundaries are huge, boundaries are all I think about day in day out. I need them. I never had them. I have them now and I hold onto them like the structure I never had as a child. For some of us there are many many layers to grieving an A. For me it is a process. January was super hard. February is easier. March could be better I hope. I keep at it one day at a time. I set no limits on it and don't judge it. I'm not in a race just in recovery.
. He pretended she was after him (blah..blah...blah).... Well, this showed me what kind of recovery he's been having the past year. Thank God for showing me before I landed back in the hole also.