The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi9 All, Well, here I am again. My AH has been doing fairly well. He hasn't gone to the Alcohol program the judge ordered after his DUI. Says his insurance won't cover it and he doesn't have the $2500 they want up front. He stayed sober for about 3 months and is now having a couple of drinks on weekends and staying sober during the week. A couple of drinks means a pint on Fridayt night and a pint on Saturday night. Many promises that he will never get in the shape he was before and that his drinking is under control. I've had to pay all of our household bills, mortgage, etc. for the last month because he had no money. I came home from work last night and he was drinking, said he had a big fee in and he was celebrating. I told him I would celebrate when he pays me back the money he owes me. I then went and got on the couch as I have a cold and wasn't feeling well. As soon as I woke up he started in on me trying to pick a fight. Told me I only love him when he has money, that only I could rain on his parade about getting this fee in, etc. I finally went to bed a 8:30 just to get away from him. Will this ever end. I want off this roller coaster. Chetch
It is good to see you again, Chetch, and I've been wondering how you were (((hugs)))
Ah, the old 'controlled drinking' experiment! I can honestly say my ex never attempted to control his drinking. It was always over the top.
I look back now over all the years I have been in recovery, and I know I could never put myself into a relationship with an active A again.
That environment was so very toxic for me, and I have finally reached a point in my life where I am comfortable with 'self', and work hard on taking care of me.
Now I am dealing with an almost 20 year old daughter still at home, not an active A, but so many of the dysfunctional attitudes of one. I am applying what I've learned in Alanon to that too, and there are days I grow very weary in spite of working the program.
I have my goals set, and once I am finished with my degree (should only take one year), I'll be relocating where there are more job opportunities and daughter won't be going with me.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
You're still qualified for the program so keep your seat. Your share is so blatant ongoing alcoholism including the justifications and reactions. Of course the only part you can handle is your part and only you can make your changes as you find them. Doing and face to face meetings? Got literature and a sponsor? How about slogans, prayer and meditation? You don't have to go into this gunfight unarmed. "I want off this roller coaster!!" I said that once (maybe more than once truthfully). The one time I mean't it for sure I slammed on the brakes and when it slowed and I got off I turned to my alcoholic and said, "I'm leaving. I am not responsible for your life." Of course she ran after me down the driveway yelliing "Yes you are. Yes you are." I just kept going starting my life over again. I don't like roller coasters.
Stick around and don't leave before the miracle happens.
Thanks for the warm welcome! I keep thinking and hoping that maybe the miracle has happened. He'll stay sober for 3 or 4 months and then start back up, for no apparent reason. During his sober times, life is wonderful, which I guess is what makes it so difficult for me to decide to leave. Thanks for all your caring and concern. Chetch
I DO love a roller coaster but you know the funny thing I found is that when I went to Universal last fall I didn't like them as much as I remembered. It's been a few years and they're just jerky and make me a little ill now. I'm turning into one of the old ladies who likes the slow rides! Maybe it's just an all around thing for me. I used to say that exact thing all the time I want off the roller coaster. One day I jumped and still haven't gotten back on. With luck I'll pass up the next roller coaster for the river raft ride, a few bumps here and there, not so scary and somewhat refreshing!
Welcome back! You've been missed! I'm sorry about his relapse. As you know, mine is a chronic relapser. I think that can often be worse than just the continual drinking. At least you know what you are coming home too. All I can tell you is to hang on tight to your program. I have found I react better to his relapse when I've been more diligent about my program. Otherwise I have the tendency to loose it. I can turn in to a ! Hopefully he will find his way back to sobriety. Meanwhile, try and keep the focus where it belongs, on you. Don't be a stranger. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
What a difficult position you are in. I have certainly been tbere. I have certainly been alone with the A picking into me night and day. I can imagine you feel exhausted. I know I was.
I am so glad you came back here. This place has been such a great gift to me.
Hi there Chetch! I so understand the rollercoaster, I rode it for 13 years... I'm fresh off the rollercoaster and sort of floating down a lovely quiet river. There is no roaring waterfall ahead but there are bends in the river so as I come around each one there is some new scenery to take in..... Every now and then I feel like turning around and paddling like mad against the current back to where I jumped in at. But it's easier to just keep floating along... (hope you don't think I'm nuts...it's just how I can explain my experience.) Keep coming back is the best thing we can do.......
Aloha again Chetch ....so sorry. I didn't mean to suggest leaving to anyone. That of course is an individual decision after much thinking, prayer and meditation and program work. It is what I did after most of the above. Having said that I must also say that I didn't investigate to many other options either. I left mainly because I made a mistake from the start and needed to set myself right.
I am so sorry you are having too deal with this. I too can relate to the rollercoaster. My AH has been retired since last April. The drunk days used to outnumber the sober days, but now they are about even. I usually do well with my program but I've been relapsing myself quite a bit lately.
Welcome back home. We've missed you.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I'm sorry about his relapse. As you know, mine is a chronic relapser. I think that can often be worse than just the continual drinking. At least you know what you are coming home too. All I can tell you is to hang on tight to your program. I have found I react better to his relapse when I've been more diligent about my program. Otherwise I have the tendency to loose it. I can turn in to a 
! Hopefully he will find his way back to sobriety. Meanwhile, try and keep the focus where it belongs, on you. Don't be a stranger. Love and blessings to you and your family.
