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Oh wow what a concept. For us who have squirreled away some money for bread, milk, rent etc before the A in our lives takes it and buys booze. I always thought if I could only win the lottery things would be much better, my troubles would go away. Anything could be possible with that much money! But the question I ask you is "Would that money buy serenity?" "Would that money buy you the frame of mind that you seek?" "Would that money buy you an overall feeling better?" For myself I thought this may be the answer to my problems, and after years in alanon, I have decided of course it wouldn't fix my problems. The only way I can fix whatever is going on in my life is to work on myself. The serenity prayer says it all .... God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference Money won't buy serenity, but today I know serenity is available , free of charge when i go to my Alanon meetings.
I would have to say yes. I could buy serenity! I could leave all my worries behind and travel the world till the day I die (depending on the prize amt. of course) I could live in any place I chose and do all the things I have to struggle and work so hard to do now at a whim (vacation, etc.) Now if I were still with my A the answer would probably be different but since I am free to do what I want on MY time without concern for him then yes the money would definitely help! Can you say Boarding School? :D
Well, GG, I look at it this way: The philosophical stuff aside, a hundred or so million dollars won in a lottery would make one's misery a bit easier to bear. *grin*
On the brighter side, my older son won 12.5 million, after taxes, in the Washington lottery. His dreams came true. He gave his brother a tax-paid million, and bought his art galleries in Seattle and New Orleans. He invested wisely, and money will never be an issue for him again with that and what he will eventually inherit.
SO often we read about the lottery woes of people who don't have the good sense or wisdom to handle it. Too bad.
Always look on the positive side.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 11:19, 2008-02-21
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well, congrats to your son...however to the masses, these things just dont happen, perhaps my post was a bit misleading, I did however speak from my own experience, and as of yet, I have not had the opportunity to find out if money would buy my serenity..................
I gotta say though dear, money may not buy serenity, but it really would help.
In my experience, being left to fight to keep my home,drive a 78 chevy shortbed pickup, living in a one room cabin,using hoses for plumbing, have a rv toilet....sometimes I am so tired because thanks to the disease everything I do is hard.
I feel serene most the time. Being disabled in the way I am is very disheartening to be in this position.
Also with money, besides not basically camping sortof, I could fly to see people I miss so much.
I don't know - I wonder about the money buying happiness thing and then think about programs on TV like VH1's Celebrity Rehab.
Those folks have lots of money, their families generally benefit from all the money they have, but they sure don't seem happy to me (either the recovering addict OR their family).
I think it's all about learning to be happy with what you have and if life throws you a bone in the form of a little added wealth, that's great, too - just be wise in how you use that newfound wealth to keep you happy, just as you're wise in how you use your current financial situation to keep you happy.
GG - have you created your own separate bank accounts? I haven't come across the literature on it yet, but I've heard it mentioned many times in my Al-Anon meetings - about how people "took the step" of separating their finances from their A's.
I actually did that during the week my life "blew up" when I caught my AH in this gigantic mess he'd crated. I immediately ceased my direct deposit into our joint account and had it go to my own personal account. I'm still not ready yet to re-join our finances. My AH keeps getting antsy about it, keeps worrying that we won't be able to pay rent, but the next time he complains to me about it, I'm just going to tell him, "Honey, you're just going to have to TRUST me that I'll have the money on hand to pay my share of the bills and rent."
When I look back at our financial issues, I really sometimes *think* that I must have been partially to blame, but then I look at who was really spending, spending, spending, and it was always my AH. He was coming home with a six-pack a night, and that doesn't include his going out to eat all the time and whatever else. He's a compulsive spender - an "instant gratification" kind of guy. If he wants something, he's going to buy it right away instead of stopping to think "do I NEED it" first. He's already applied for a personal loan so he can immediately get himself a moped since he can't drive a car right now (and I REFUSE to co-sign that loan, even though, I think as his spouse, I could still end up "eating it" if he defaults on his payments at all).
So, I CAN rabbit-hole away my money now and not worry about my AH dipping into my money and spending it on booze. The only problem is, if he becomes irresponsible with his share of the money, I might still end up having to pay more than my share of the bills... but at least I'll have *some* satisfaction knowing he's not being irresponsible with MY hard-earned money.
Winning the lottery!! What a true reason to celebrate. You could forget there was a life threatening disease in the family maybe because you could now afford the payments. And in the celebration you might just want to join him in a couple of rounds of drinking yourself.
I've never met an alky (including myself) that drank less when we had more money. Then to alot of people I have met in program including myself thought that if they had the money they could afford to leave the alcoholic (the program also) and just be totally free. Course one of the predictions I have personally seen come to pass in my recovery time is that if I don't correct what is out of sync in me I will repeat it regardless...I have chosen newer and various allcoholics or children of alcoholics to have relationships with...but what the hey with a bunch of bucks why would it matter.
I'm glad that this is a spiritual program. If it was just about how much money I had I could go get money and have my problems at the same time forever dragging them around with me where ever and when ever I was. Ever met a rich person you didn't like being around? -and- Private recovery programs cost tons of bucks. Maybe a lottery winner could afford the best (over and over again) and never have to face what wrong inside themself including a new problem of how to keep the money around.
Ahhhh the ramblings of a crazy person with just one day to live (at a time I mean).
I'd like to distinguish between peace of mind vs. serenity. To me serenity comes from within. It is something you learn to develope and use. I consider it a gift from HP. So no, winning the lottery would not give me serenity.
Winning the lottery might give me more peace of mind, knowing that I could take care of my nieces, hubby's children and grandchildren. I could give a bunch away to my favorite charities and leave just enough so we could buy a camper and roam the country. In one way, I have just won the lottery. I got my taxes back and it was nice to payoff some hospital bills, buy a few small things for our place ( a coffee maker and new clock) and buy one indulgent thing for me (on hubby's insistence). We are not extravagent people and we are on a budget. But hubby reminded how hard I worked for this money so go ahead and treat myself. I was going to buy underwear! (Okay too much information!) Instead I treated myself to the entire series of West Wing on DVD. That should keep my occupied on rainy days. But it was hard to order it.
I consider myself already rich beyond my wildest dreams. I have my family, my Alanon family as well as the love of friends. I was blessed with a great childhood. No life wasn't and isn't perfect. But I'm not living on the streets, nor am I going hungry or unclothed or jobless. I have health insurance and am in reasonably good health. So what more could I ask for? Anything else is just icing on the cake. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Everyone has troubles, problems and heart ache. Money has nothing to do with those things. I have known some people who have more money than god. They are not any different from anyone else. There have been times in my life when I was rolling in money and times when I had nothing. Both were challenging and the family disease of A-ism was ever present.
Alcoholism is surely one of the great equalizers, that is for sure. it does not discriminate! J.
GG. For me, money would make life a little easier, but would not bring the Serenity I so long for in my life.
My quiet time with HP and my Al-Anon literature brings me Serenity. F2F meetings bring me Serenity. Reading posts on this board brings me Serenity. Without all of this I am sure that I could not cope with the everyday chaos that living with a A has brought to my life. Having money would not help me to deal with that chaos the way that A-Anon has.
Take Care,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Does being rich bring serenity? No, probably not. I think Karilynn hit the nail on the head. It brings peace of mind. Not worrying whether the bills will be paid, whether you will have enough to eat, whether the child can go to the doctor, whether you can have a reliable car, etc., brings peace of mind. Having that peace makes the tough times a little easier to bear. Of that there is no question.
SOme say, "Well I know a person with loads of money, and he/she is not happy." OK. But one thing's for sure...I would rather be miserable with money than without it.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
