The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For the last week I've been ill and on my own. Day in day out, just me to take care of me. I used to beg the A to do small things for me when I was sick, he never (and I mean never) did anything willingly or without being asked 100 times.
I am so glad to be out of that. I am so glad to be away from someone who resented it deeply when I was ill like I got ill to spite him. The whole world revolves around him. During the time I was ill he called not once but twice in the middle of the night. I prayed on it and called him and told him in no uncertain terms I had nothing more to give him and had no interest in where his life was. He has stayed away since. I can't tell you how long its taken to get to that place.
I know for me its absolutely a lifelong pattern of feeling responsible for others, feeling more responsible for them than I am for myself. That has ended.
Maresie- wow, what an incredible post. What a painful one, too. You have come so far! It is so hard. I know when I am sick, I get quite needy and have a strong desire to be taken care of when I need it then be left alone to sleep, etc. I remember when I was quite ill and without any one (I had just moved ) around, it was really painful to not have any help or anyone to pick up things from the grocery, etc. But I just muddled through. I felt a lot of resentment that the A was not there to help but also half relieved that he wasn't for the exact same reasons you list in your post- they think we get ill to make them have a bad day or something. AGAIN, we get blamed and shamed for any inconvenience in their life.
Its hard work but you made it. I hope you feel better soon. Wish I could help out, walk the dogs for you, etc. Hugs, J.
sorry to hear you are not feeling well...sending you healing thoughts. Good for you for taking care of you and doing what you need to do to take care of you. Hope you feel well soon.