The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know I have said this before, but thank you. Thank you for listening and responding. But, most of all, thank you for awakening me to the fact that I don't have to be ashamed that I still love and care for my A. I have spent so much time this past week making excuses for why I let him call me, listening to how he is just using me, wondering if he would do the same for me in my shoes. Reading your posts today reminded me that I have a choice to love him, to stand by him- if I want, to even still help him if I choose to and there is nothing to be ashamed about that. Maybe, probably, he wouldn't help me if I was in the same shoes- he has always been selfish. Maybe, probably, he doesn't love me the way I love him and never will. Maybe, probably, he would never choose me first- over alcohol, drugs, or other women. But, I do not make my choices on what he does or would do. I make them on my heart. And for today, my heart still wants to be a friend to him. I also recognize that could change tomorrow and that would be okay to. Because of you all I'm going to TRY to stop rationalizing to others why I "put up" with what I do and instead do what I feel and stop talking about it- to them anyway. Thanks for your love and support.
Determination and commitment are requirements of recovery. Keep coming back it works if you work it is the slogan. Doing the right thing for myself was as foreign to me as was doing the right thing for her. This is a simple program for complicated people. I am glad you keep coming back!!
I get very little in return from my AHsober who left. I beat myself up wondering if I am just taking abuse. But in my heart of hearts I know that I love him and always will. We have a 30 year history, three grown sons, and lots of family and memories. He says I don't love and never did but that doesn't change the way I feel. It will never be returned to me. I am thankful for all the times we had together good and bad. So my strategy is to work my program and follow my heart. My HP knows what is best for me.
no greater love. You truly love your A. Everyone is different. Sounds like you are his friend as well as the rest.
I relate.My feelings have not changed. I still love and adore the man I knew.
yes it says you are doing the 3 c's, you have detached.
This is one of your miracles. I am so blessed to have it shared so I could witness it.
One step at a time, one day at a time. Your A is very fortunate to have you. And believe me, he knows this, but I have never faced anything as powerful as Aism.
I could fight if it were an affair, I could compromise if he was working a lot. But aism, I had to face, I could do nothing but love him. Even if I never see him again until he is dead.
I love my A a lot but for me, that does not necessarily mean that I need to live with him or be married to him anymore. There is no other man I love as much but there is one woman I love more and that is myself. If my AH is still abusive (we have been separated and live 4000 miles apart for the last 2 years), i will seek a divorce asap. Hugs, J.
There is no other man I love as much but there is one woman I love more and that is myself.
Very well said, Jean. I needed to read that. Co- I could relate to every syllable of your post. My thoughts verbatim. And that's what I love about this board. I am accepted no matter where I am, and yet still encouraged to reach that place where I know I'll find true serenity.
In my situation - I slowly (30 years slowly) opened my eyes to the fact that he would not do the same for me if our situations were reversed. The man that I truly wanted and believed would be part of my life until our dying days, now has no part of my life - his choice. I have to wake up every morning and practice acceptance of that fact. Some mornings it's rawer than others. But because of this program, at least I'm FACING that and I'm moving away from denial.
And Debilyn, I always relate to your posts and the affection you have for your A. It is so real. I feel it with you.
Thanks for your post - and to all here who are so very supportive.
