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I've felt for a long time my sister has had a drinking problem. Even more since I became aware of this site. I've posted several times regarding an ex-A and a recovering friend.
Recently, her second marriage has crumbled due to infidelity (him). I went to visit her in November (she lives out west and I live on the East coast) and I noticed she is drinking to "relax". As a firm believer in Alanon, I know to let go and let God. However, in this case, my nieces are 3 and 8 and I'm worried about them. Her ex-husband, who probably drinks too much too, wouldn't be any help. I am going to visit for Easter and I know if I comment or show concern for her drinking, nothing will be accomplished because as she states it, "there's nothing wrong with a cocktail in the evening". We as most of you know, her evening cocktail hour has turned into 3-4. I'm scared for my nieces.
I know what is making you concerned. However there is nothing you can do. To bring it up may make it worse. She may not allow you to come visit anymore. Then you could not check on the kids.
What ya might do is ask if she feels she needs help with the kids? It is so hard to do it all alone. You may want to bring up that fact and others. Ask her if she ever does anything fun for herself. Maybe ask how she anti stresses. All the time not bringing up the using.She may bring it up herself.
If you bring it up, she will just hide it from you. for you to accept her, love her as is, leave the decisions up to her, she will feel more comfy to be open with you.
one of my dearest friends is an a. She has been thru so much with her liver. Her husband died too. She raised three wonderful kids to great people. Always had a good job, did so much for the community.
yet she drinks a couple bottles of wine every night. Breaks my heart. Once I came over and I saw her put her glass aside under the bench.
Another time I came by, I said,"C I love you, have known you since I was twelve years old, you don't have to hide anything from me." We are sooo much closer. She is so sick, I cannot imagine the world without my C.
I am scared now as she is on interfuron? that awful stuff to get rid of hep C.
Anyway, just love her. Let her know how precious she and the kids are to you
Thanks so much. Great advice. Your right. If I showed concern for her drinking, she would definitely alienate me from her and the kids, and then I'd always worry about my nieces.
Just want to add - if you truly feel the kids are in real danger from her drinking, you may have to face the hard choice of reporting her to family services. Not an easy move to make, and not to be made unless justified, as it would likely alienate her from you forever, but better that than some of the alternatives.
