The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been in the program for a few years now. I am new to the board though. I feel as though I have run out of gas. Tonight, I went to the store to pick something up. Along the way I spot my former husband's vehicle at these apartments. The vehicle was parked right in front of an opened door apartment. It looked as though a party was going on inside with a bunch of people. He has our child this weekend and is not to be drinking while in his possession. Here is my sick part, I turn around to go look....ready to walk into a stranger's apartment and calmly tell my child it is time to come home. The vehicle was gone though. So, I race over to the ex hubby's house. Not entirely knowing what it would gain. It has been a few years since I have felt the need to do this. I am slowly becoming irrational, spiritually disconnected, and judgemental. My anger is getting the best of me these days. I keep trying to gain some speed at meetings....but I still come back with......"they just don't have anything I want." I don't mean the Fellowship itself but, the people who attend rather. I feel as though I am going to be sick every single time a person tells how wonderful and what strong program one man in particular has. He has around 12 years. I was taught earlier, earlier on....put NO ONE on a pedestol. They have him on a mounted gold one!!! I used to go to him for guidance as a new comer. I quit speaking with him when he kept on and kept on making comments of just wanting to have sex with me. Even my sponsor thinks this man is a God! No matter where I go in this state I am asked where my home group is. I say it....and the next thing...."Oh...you have Mr. White Knight! He is perfect" I just want to scream. HE IS A 13 STEPPER AND THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT. What used to pull me through this is, he is not me. I know the truth and that is all that matters, and time will prove this to. It isn't working for me anymore. My situation isn't hopeless.....but it sure is difficult pulling myself out of this hole I am in. I go to the meetings and listen to him and his fan club....and they really sound more like "miny me's" than anything else. I sit there waiting from someone's experience, someone strength of their own, and I hope that he isn't 13 stepping them when I am not hearing it. I know I sound awful right now. I am sorry if I offend anyone. It is not my intention. My problem is the alcohol that surrounds me. I HAVE to be honest with what is truly bothering me and it is this. I need help and I cannot do it alone. I would love some of your ESH very much. Lee
Welcome Lee - I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Sounds like you're obviously not getting much from your home group. That happens sometimes. Is there a reason you stay in that group? Is it the only one in your city? I definitely wouldn't feel at all comfortable in the situation you described. And it would certainly detract from any growth that I expected to get from attending al-anon. I would look into the possibility of finding any other al-anon group. I've attended lots of different meetings, and found that groups tend to establish their own "personalities". I hope you're able to find one that is a better fit for you.
As far as seeing your ex at a party while he has your child with him.....well, I'm trying to figure out why it would be so wrong for you to think that getting your child out of that situation would be bad? A mother's FIRST instinct is to take care of her children. That's just what we do. I wouldn't beat myself up over that at all.
I'm glad you're here. There's an amazing amount of recovery happening here. Miracles. I got on this board three months ago feeling quite empty, hopeless, and angry. Today I have a renewed sense of hope and strength. My good days are outnumbering my bad days.
Do you attend AA meetings or Alanon meetings? I sensed what you shared to be from AA meetings. I am 8 years in program and can attend AA meetings now when I need one and Alanon is not available at the time; however, three or four years ago I could never have attended AA because of what you shared. I know that they need to hold on to AA for dear life just so that they don't pick up a drink for this one day and this one day only, however after my life had been screwed over by an A, I was like "are you kidding me?"
Well this many years later and this many meetings later, I can see the value of both which is why I am delighted (unlike some) that we have double winners in Alanon. I so value their ESH.
Anyway, keep coming hon. This forum is wonderful. We also have meetings twice a day. Check out the home page for that information. I know for me, it wasn't until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired was I willing to make a drastic change in my life. It was so worth it.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
My first thought is what happened as far as your child? Hey in my book making sure a child is safe is paramont. Alanon would always support a person in that.
when my husband was in recovery we were heading into a restaurant next to a liquor store. A car next to us was running with two precious babies i inside.I told him,whether you get mad or not,I am going to jump on whoever left these kids.
Well I did not have a chance.He did it.was very appropriate and had this guy almost in tears. He had gotten his license no. told him he better never see him doing this again.
The guy was sober or he would have been in jail.
my A was in recovery then and on a super program.Had he been using, they both would have been in jail....
I am with R3,can you not find another group?Also there must be a phone number in the phone book you can call to ask about what to do about this guy. I know here it is not tolerated,the people involved would be banned.
I am glad you found us. We all need support. Sometimes a meeting is not available.
If you know of someone else who has been harrassed by this person, you two or more could take him aside and tell him his behavior will not be tolerated and you will contact the appropriate source to have the problem taken care of.
That is sexual harrassment and a crime. I did some landscaping work for a man who had a prominent business in town.It was hot one day and he told me to take my shirt off.
I reported him. He thought I would walk off the job, as I was to be paid when it was done.
I had a helper and he had heard him too.
the police contacted him and his wife called me saying he would never do that. right.
anyhoo keep coming, there is a meeting in our chat room two times a day. Lots of ways to contact people in real time.
