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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What am I feeling anyway?
Post Info TOPIC: What am I feeling anyway?
Jen


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What am I feeling anyway?
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Feeling really down tonight. I know I should be happy with how things are going . Things are working out as I give my worries to HP and let the answers come, but I am really bad about compartmentalizing (whew! that's a word to type) my life. One thing is going great because I am really working program on it and another is just floating along with the same old behavior. Do I do this because I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. I also skip back and forth using program on one thing then another.

Anyway, I feel really frustrated tonight. I've been trying to get my feelings out in the moment and seem to keep getting myself caught up in the don't rock the boat behavior. Also I'm having trouble really figuring out how I feel. Doing a little bit of looking in the rearview mirror, but trying to keep that to a minimum. Maybe it's just that things seem to be going too good. I told my AH tonight that I still don't trust him. Sorry that's just how I feel. He seems to be doing really well. He has a pretty good program, but of course you never know. I guess I'm just feeling really cautious.

This is the time of year when I start thinking things will be better this year. I've really caught myself the last couple of weeks getting my hopes up for this year going well and I think it really scares me. I shared that with him too. For the last couple of years I have gotten my hopes up each spring as our business' busy season gets going as it will in the next month or so, and each year I have had my hopes dashed on the rocks by this disease.

I keep thinking that I should feel good, that things are working out. But something is bothering me. I don't think it is a slip. That really doesn't even matter that much. I think it's something about me that I am in a process of figuring something out. I often feel like this when I am about to figure something out about myself.

The last few weeks I have been having some really violent and unsettling dreams, about once a week. The last one really bothered me for a couple of days. Anybody have this sort of thing in relation to recovery? They have almost felt like a mild post traumatic stress type thing, but I don't want to seem dramatic. I don't even know if the dreams are related to recovery. I just feel really unsettled. Maybe I just ate something disaggreeable, who knows. :(

Anyway I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.


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~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Jerry F


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Aloha Jen here with responses from the past 29 years of recovery.

Turning things beyond my control to HP...getting affraid and grabbing them back!!

The opposite of frustration is patience.  If frustration is causing you to feel out of whack...work patience for a while.

Al-Anon is a simple program for complicated people.
Take it one step at a time and one day at a time...don't rush this!!
It is PROGRESS not Perfection.

If it ain't broke....don't fix it!! 

Don't project...(don't project doom and gloom in to the future or the alcoholic)
you just might get what you are affraid of.

There is not such thing as "too good" to an enabler that we can't make worse.

"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers"...(from the One Day at a time in Al-Anon reader)

It isn't only the alcoholic or addict that has relapses.  We can have them too and more often without a bottle in sight.

"What you don't know can't hurt you.  What you suspicion can kill you."
Trying to figure it out.

PTSD is a huge part of life for those who have suffered under this disease.  Do not discount the problems it has had on your life...get into the program and it's suggestions.

Dreams are you subconscious presenting a picture of emotions it is trying to release.  The people, places and things in your dreams are relational.  Violence is struggle with something and could be an idea or someone or yourself.  Violence means strong disagreement, adamant rejection or resistence or could also mean trying to rid yourself of something that is attacking you.  Violence may also mean force on your part to bring something into your way of seeing it, your way of wanting it or an acceptance.  what is important also is what part you are playing in the dream are you victim or perpetrator?

Keep working the program Jen.  It works if you work it.

(((((hugs)))))smile

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nmike


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((((jen))))

They say that sometimes in recovery things get worse before they get better. Because we aren't in denial anymore. I struggle with this too. But I think that we are making more progresss than we think.

In support,
Nancy

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thinkstoomuch


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Check out the Center for Non-Violent Communication -

http://www.cnvc.org/feelings.htm


- Their lists of feelings gave me a better idea of the breadth of feelings I MIGHT be experiencing.

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Tenderheartsks


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For me, sometimes feeling down is just that, feeling down.

I was always the great analyzer, picking things apart in my mind constantly.

I work hard at not doing that today.

Sometimes I just need to allow myself the feelings and go with the flow.

The should've, could've, would've stuff can drive me crazy.

I need to accept exactly where I am at the moment, rather than constantly saying 'but I SHOULD be feeling' *insert feeling of choice here*.



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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."
- Woodrow Wilson
Jean4444


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Jen, sorry you are feeling down. I know how that can be, at night, feels pretty lonely and down. I have had some evenings like that also recently. I have been thinking it is connected to my cycle, though. I always feel this way before and during my period. Not that that is what is happening for you, just my experience. I think recovery can be kind of boring sometimes. Its certainly not as "activating" as crisis, chaos, trauma and drama, that is for sure. I have no answers just want you to know I think I understand- hugs and love, J.

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Tuggboat


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I often feel like this. I call it fear.

Try asking yourself different questions. Instead of how do I feel, or what behavior do I modify try asking yourself this; What role would God have me play.

We like drama, at least I do :), why not go along for the ride and ask God what role he/she would have us play? When I do this I get empowered and focused and start to leave fear behind.

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Jen


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Thanks All,

I think I just needed to get it out. I felt a lot better after writing it out. Plus I spent 10 days of the last 2 weeks with our phone out. That means no internet too. I think I was really needing to call a program friend or my sponsor.

Jerry- Thanks for all the quotes and the dream suggestions. I do think that the violence is something coming to the surface that is buried deep. Right now I feel like there is a wave of something coming that I have been expecting and waiting for. There is a spacific issue in my life that I have been trying hard to be patient about dealing with, but my mind just wouldn't let it out. I hope that makes some kind of sense.

Jean- I thank HP that I no longer have any stomach for the chaos and drama. There is enough in life without creating more. And my cycle is definately a factor. LOL Another big factor is lack of sleep. Late evenings are my only alone time and right now I seem to be needing it. Unfortunately the kids do not sleep 12 hours a day so I can have my alone time and still get my 8 hrs sleep. :( LOL

__________________

~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
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