The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi! i'm new here..i found this while looking for al-anon's website..i'm looking to go to a meeting this weekend...anyway, i guess i should say why i joined..
my brother is an awful alcoholic. he lives with my father, my sister and i. our mother passed away when i was 17, four years ago this past december. it was one of the hardest things i, and my family, has ever had to go through. we all dealt with it our own ways, but my brother started drinking more heavily than he had already been.
we've had interventions, my father has threatened to kick him out, everything has been done, but he won't get help. he's obviously convinced he doesn't have a problem (which i know is what always happens). he's even thrown away his relationship with me, his ONLY brother, because of it. and lately, it has been driving me CRAZY. well, since july of 2007 it has been driving me crazy lol. i started seeing a therapist to help myself, but he just doesn't go away. he lost his job, and you'd think that would've been rock bottom, but no. now he just stays home and drinks all day, and i never have a moment alone in my house.
it's slowly eating away at my sanity, or what's left of it lol. i sound selfish, but i can't help it. i tried to help him by myself, and so did my sister. my father has tried as well, and he is just too involved with the bottle to care. he has nothing, and he doesn't care as long as he has his vodka.
this disease is trapping me in my home. for a few months last year, i withdrew myself from my friends, and holed up in my room reading books constantly. and it's starting to happen again, and i'm trying to fight it.
anyway, i called this topic nervous bc i'm nervous to talk on here. i don't really tell anyone about him except my best friend. my therapist says i'm just enabling him even more by not confronting it. she's the ony who told me to go to the al-anon meeting, but i'm nervous to go, especially by myself.
kozmic - welcome and you've found the right place. It's very tough to live with and love someone who's only interest seems to be in the bottle. Realize that your brother has the disease of alcoholism. You and your family didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you won't be able to cure it. This is a brutal illness, and until your brother decides that his life has become too unmanageable to handle, then it's unlikely that he'll seek the help he needs.
In the meantime, you and your family can do lots of things to better your own situation - how you react to him, how you deal with him, how you simply live your lives without letting him zap all that is good out of you.
You don't have to stay holed up in your room. You don't have to feel so nervous about telling people. I think the odds are pretty good that people around your family are very aware that your brother has a problem. Maybe they are unsure what to say to you about it. While you don't have to tell the world all of your business, I think it's healthy to talk to a few trusted people that care about you. Keeping all of this inside will tear away at you.
Your therapist was absolutely right on when she suggested that you find an al-anon meeting. Check your phone book or go online and find one near you. You will be amazed at the understanding and support you will find there, from people who are just like you and your family.
This message board is also AMAZING. All of us here have loved and cared about someone who is an alcoholic. Some of these alcoholics (A's) are still drinking, others have found recovery. But everyone here has a story to tell of their own experience, strength, and HOPE in dealing with this exact issue. And there is definitely HOPE.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this illness. You will find help in this program if you choose. Remember when you find that face2face meeting that everyone else there is in the same or very similar situation as you. You did not cause your brothers illness. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your brothers problem is not a reflection on you. You will be welcomed with warmth and understanding.
Keep coming back here too. There are meetings twice a day in the chat room. It's a good place to start.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Welcome. I am so sad you and yours are going thru so much pain.
It struck me that you have done interventions, yet father only makes threats of having the A leave.That is what makes an intervention not work. It has to be very clear boundaries that are set in stone.
Yes allowing him to do what he is doing is enabling and it is killing your family.
He does not choose to be A. But your family has a choice if you will allow the disease to pull you all down too.
A's are very content to be where they can use and abuse those around them.Well their disease is.
I feel your pain. I want to grab ya and give you a hug, take you to a f2f meeting.
Everyone is afraid to walk into somewhere new. We all had to walk in alone so we understand. Alanoners LOVE for new people to come in. You help them as much as they may help you.
Play reversies and think about if you were the one who was not a new member and you welcomed someone.
We know the happiness we can have being in Alanon.We know education about the disease and having the tools to live with it are so important.
I have to say I am sad you lost your mother. I lost mine also and it is horrible. does not matter what age you lose them. It will always be a hurting space in your heart. Maybe someday you will meet an older woman friend who you will feel a mother in.
I was fortunate to be adopted by a neat woman I called mom.Sadly I lost her too. Now her husband is my dad.
Love will get you through. things are too serious, the disease is pulling you down.
Go to the library and read. Or go to a coffee shop. You don't have to hole up in your bedroom. Maybe do positive things, not allowing the disease to kill you too. Movies, take your dog for walks. I have met the neatest men who have a dog and walk all over and their dog goes where they do.
What is your passion? What do you find the most important to you? Feed it, do it. My sons father is A. He is into scuba diving, hikeing, camping,fishing, the whole outside thing. His dog is a giant black lab/mastiff. Gabe is so cool and does what Mac says.
My daughters dad was A too,died when she was five.
She has her degree in fine arts and is raising a cool son, Noah, I call sprout.
What I am getting at is, find what you love and do not allow the disease to kill it.
Love your brother, hate the disease.
I have an animal sanctuary, that is my passion. No matter what the A did, NOTHING was going to hurt my animals. Use your passion to keep you strong.
I don't know how old you are. There is alateen too.
the world awaits you, it needs you.
love,debilyn who says, come on over and carry hay around for me, and brush Elgin the horse
Welcome to the MIP site. When you get to the face to face meeting you're going to you will see the faces and hear the stories of many people who are very similar to you living with the disease of addiction. You may nor may not be met with a special hello at the door but when you get into the room there will be alot of chairs around in a circle and one of them is yours to pick as your own. It's yours...sit all the way down and participate or pass if you are asked to read a step or tradition or something else. If you pass no one will think any less of you for it. The big thing for me was listening and listening and listening to what others had to say. I didn't say much in the early days because of fear and they all understood that. I am free to participate or pass.
While you are there browse all the literature that is available to you. Since you are a reader you will find a great selection to learn from.
Some meetings will have more women than guys and other meetings will be the other way around; depends on the area.
Since Al-Anon is in almost every country around the globe you will hardly be alone. The membership is worldwide and we all speak the same language of recovery from the effects of the disease of alcoholism in a family member or friend.
thank you so much for your kind words. i am going to a meeting on sunday night. i am thinking of asking my friend to go with me because i really want her to know from me and i want her to be there for me bc it's going to be hard. she is the only one who won't judge or say anything, but will just be there.
i am working on hwo to deal with him, but it is so hard. that is why i am going to the meeting, to maybe see how others do it and get some insight.
So glad you've located a meeting and that you have a supportive friend to go with. You'll find lots of understanding people there. Don't forget to pick up some literature to bring home to read and share with your family. Good luck....and let us know how it goes. ~R3
