The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, since the A is in jail he is pressuring his mom to get him out for surgery. He says he wants to change, etc. She told him he could not live with her but suggested he come live with me and my son!! He responded that he would like that but wasn't sure what I would say. He wanted to talk to me when I was at her house yesterday, but I successfully dodged him. I am still in love with this man, but I do not believe he is in love with me and believe he would say he wants to stay there because he feels pressured, because he "should" and because he is running out of options...
Good for you for dodging the emotional manipulation. It sounds like you know what you need to do.
You are not responsible for him or the choices he makes. You are responsible for you and your son. You are not required to sacrifice your physical, emotional and spiritual health for him. You are not obligated to invite chaos, manipulatation, lying, or heartache into your home. Boundaries are a good thing. What do you need to do to be safe--physically, emotionally, spiritually?? Can you be safe with him in the house??
Remember that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. And don't forget that active As lie, cheat and manipulate to feed their disease. His Mom may fall for it, but she is not your responsibility either. Each of us has our own path and our own choices to make--I learned that in Al-Anon.
Hang in there and stay strong!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
How does him staying with you benefit you? Weren't you just talking about how the last time you saw him you came up missing some cash? What about your son? That should be your only concern. He's a big boy he can figure it out I promise! The fact that he got beat up, that he's in jail, etc. is NOT your problem! There were multiple times my A was homeless and I flat out refused to let him stay with me. Apparently he has a job and an apartment now. Maybe he values them a little more? I don't know and whether he does or not is not my problem nor is if he goes back to jail, gets kicked out, etc.
Well Co I had to count to ten, and then some when I heard what HIS mother had said and then suggested he does.
So, she does not want him but feels there is nothing wrong with you having him. Grrrrrr!
Bit like the mother who says "that's my boy!" swelling with pride as he accepts the cup for being top of the class and then saying to his father, "well he's your son!" when he gets caught for being a bully or doing something he shouldn't!
What a cheek!
Love him as the love in your life (if that is right for you), but remember you are NOT his mother and are not responsible for him, or his actions, he's a big boy now.
Better go make a cup of tea and get out of this huff and let my ruffled feathers settle! LOL HeartB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Yeah, code, those moms certainly do not want them in their homes, dont they??!! NOT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!! they say. and so HOW would it be that WE want them in ours, I wonder??!! It is infuriating- this "passing the buck". My MIL would say and do the same thing, talk about me as if I was not even there or did not exist...he can just move in there...etc. sorry you need to go through this. Hugs, J.
