The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wrote a long post and deleted. My life continues with huge family problems involving semi-sober son, his EX, our grandbaby/custody/visitation, sick husband, more surgeries coming for him, etc., very ill mother and failing father 1,000 miles from me, and me trying to cope with the cancer anxiety. Too too much!
Someone posted last time back to me that "your posts always sound as if you are miserable all the time".....so I decided to stop spreading my misery. I continue to try and apply the Al_Anon principles each day. Usually the only thing getting me through the days is dream-like mind set and/or intense anger so hard and bitter I can do anything. Nice way to not live???? But getting me through each day albeit not well.
Please continue to share with us. I have missed you, and have been wondering how you are.
I wish I had some words of comfort for you. You are dealing with so much!
You are not the only "miserable" person on this board. Let's face it, misery is pretty much what brought us all to al-anon. It's just that some have worked through it and others of us still struggle. We need eachother to get to the other side!
We learn from every part of you, both happy and sad. Your kind responses to others of your experience and strength, do not go unnoticed. Believe me, you add way more to this board than misery!
Have you made it to any f2f meetings yet? Could your son stay with your husband if meetings are in the evening? I know it is difficult for you, but you deserve it, and it could be the ray of hope you need. And, if you keep going, it WILL be the hope you deserve. You need something to look forward to; something just for you. Real people, real hugs, real examples of people with similar struggles and of peace.
I'm thinking of you, Omajoy.
Please keep coming back.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Omajoy, I was curious about the post you referred to that said you sound more and more miserable. The next sentence in that post is the one that was most important. Not the one you chose to carry with you. It was: I recall many of our members have been here and done this, and they've lived in complete misery till it dawned on them that absolutely nothing was going to change till they realized that their lives were in their hands and it was up to them how willing they were to live like this.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said: A man is what he thinks about all day long. What does that mean? Basically, Change your thoughts and change your life. If I am waking up and "choosing" happiness, "choosing" to be the best person I can be, "choosing" to find gratefulness in my life, "choosing" not to let the weight of the world rest upon my shoulders, it simply can't. Our minds are a fascinating thing. We can choose what is focused on, choose our mood by resisting what is not wanted. If I am looking for joy or peace in each moment I can't possibly find strife and worry at the same time. Joy and peace is what comes to me because that is all I will allow.
If I believe my life is in total turmoil and I believe I live in depression and chaos, that's exactly what happens.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I actually was that person that made that comment (and please--if there's any flogging to occur, PM me; taking my inventory on the message board was never necessary, as was the name calling, the malicious remarks and other various tactics utilized to take me down; ty). I was that person for a long time that did nothing but come and be miserable in meetings, in message boards, wherever. Wherever there was an audience, I took them hostage; I felt someone owed me the dignity of hearing how awful my life had become because of God's cruelty and other people's choices. This is one of my favorite songs. I can't tell you when I got a grip and realized that no one owed me recovery and no one had a need to recover of my accord. If someone wants to live in a way that is reminicient of malfecent behavior, it is a direct reflection on them. It is truly not about me. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt; as my earlier comment suggests, it does, deeply. My job is to be a recovering individual working a program of living, not of participation in dysfunction.
U2 Lyrics - One
Is it getting better Or do you feel the same Will it make it easier on you now You got someone to blame You say...
One love One life When it's one need In the night One love We get to share it Leaves you baby if you Don't care for it
Did I disappoint you Or leave a bad taste in your mouth You act like you never had love And you want me to go without Well it's...
Too late Tonight To drag the past out into the light We're one, but we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One... Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much More than a lot You gave me nothing Now it's all I got We're one But we're not the same Well we Hurt each other Then we do it again You say Love is a temple Love a higher law Love is a temple Love the higher law You ask me to enter But then you make me crawl And I can't be holding on To what you got When all you got is hurt One love One blood One life You got to do what you should One life With each other Sisters Brothers One life But we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other
Abraham Lincoln said, "Each person is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be." I believe these words and try my best to live by them. Sooner or later, in most cases, the instinct to survive takes over our thoughts of misery and hoplessness. We rise out of the ashes like a phoenix, strong and ready to make changes for the better. My hope is that strength will carry you to the other side of this terrible situation, and you will be able to continue on in happiness and peace.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well, I am confused......Tiger, I am sorry and having re-read my post I fail to see where I was being critical of anyone at all. That is so confusing to me. When I do post and try to say I AM TRYING!!!! that is precisely what I mean. I try so darn hard to find something positive.
Honestly, having had such a hard year in cancer recovery and then right at the end of my radiation having my husband get so sick....that just colors everything. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with my son and his problems and everything to do with my state of mind.
I am sure that "this too shall pass"....everything does. I appreciate everyone here for just taking the time to respond and I truly hope that I say nothing that offends anyone. I have never been an offensive person and hope never to be.
The sun is shining where I live. It is a beautiful day. I have taken care of my husband as I should, and he is up and trying to get stronger. I have spent nearly $300 on a new kitchen faucet and got a plumbing problem fixed. I have worked three crossword puzzles. I have read the paper and that included the comic strips! I will talk to my parents later today as I do daily. At 88 they are still able to talk to me, so for that I am grateful. I will prepare lunch. I will prepare dinner. The only thing that won't happen is the rest of my once sweet little family will not be a part of my day. But maybe I will eventually be able to handle that as well. Grandchild got his Valentine's present last night and I got my hug. So things are OK and I shall survive.
You are growing!! Awesome. I heard acceptance and humility and courage to change. If that is not what we are all about then I've arrived at many miracles by pure good fortune only. Work the program. Continue to reach out for help and give it back when you can. (You cannot keep it unless you give it away...yowzers!!) HP is here for you. The program is here for you (we are not perfect and need to have the program worked with us at times) and you are here for yourself. Prayers for you, your husband, your fractured family, son with an addiction and grandson with his valentines present. Keep coming back.
Oma - so glad you posted. I've been wondering where you were. I think if we got banned from the board for sharing our misery, then this would be an empty, lonely, place to go. I, for one, am so grateful for everyone here that shares their ESH and who are willing to pull me up out of the hole when I stumble in (over and over). Little by little, day by day, I am seeing the light shining from a place I want to reach.....RECOVERY. If it weren't for other people being here and reading by "stuff" (many times I post the same "cr*p" over and over and over and over...I know) and offering me encouragment or just some plain truth (in the positive spirit of recovery, of course) then I'd just continue to stay sick.
Sending up many prayers for you and your family tonight.
