Hello alanon friends!
As another day comes and goes without my AH living in the home anymore, I am slowly but surely relaxing and feeling happy for longer than ever before.
I can't think of anything to worry about at the moment.
I have shadows of those bad thoughts but they pass like vague memories.
My healing is happening like the warmth of a long sunny day.
He came today at my invitation and I know I still love the real him. I can see the two people clearly now. He, our son and I spent an hour just chatting about general bits and pieces, he was sober and looked like he was holding in much emotion.
I have never felt the compassion that I feel now. He is really a sick man. It's so sad when someone is sick but they won't "go to the doctor", and the only medicine they will take is alcohol.
I let him know I love him still but reaffirm if necessary that this separation is not going to end soon.
He is just so devastated, rejected and lost.
But hallelujah I no longer have the desire to rescue him like he's so used to.
I just own myself now. It's so liberating.
He has passed the point of any anger, He is now just plain terrified. This is what is underneath this obnoxious when drunk person, a scared little boy huddled in the corner.....
It pulls your heart strings it does, but I have to just look within take care of myself, and keep placing him in the hands of the powerful one.
Yours in recovery, sb.