The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK... I have been away for a while. Computer crashed, lost my "favorites" file, blah! blah! blah! Anyway, have been trying & trying to login, but was unable to find my sign-in name.
So, I paged through and through and through all of the posts here, looking for what may be my sign-in name. Finally found it (November 2005!). Tried a few passwords and voila! Here I am again.
My chat sign-in is ESH007... saw some of you there, too. Hello again.
My A-bf (have been with him for 13+ years) is not doing well. We (his family, his treatment team, & I) believe he is in the end-stages of his alcoholism. There is nothing I can do for him at this point... so that is what I do... nothing. Thank God I don't live with him or have children with him.
I watched "Intervention" recently... an episode with "Leslie." I was thinking to myself, "She is lying... she isn't going to stay sober." She didn't. Just like A-bf. They lie to us... they lie to themselves. I felt sorry for her kids... I could relate to what her husband was going through.
A-bf's parents have tried to manipulate me into "doing something!" to get him back into treatment. They have never worked a program, so they do not understand... not only that... they are his parents. I do not judge their actions because I do not know what it is like to have a child who is alcoholic; who may soon be dying. I shudder at the thought.
I am so angry lately. A childhood friend's AH went to a hotel and shot and killed himself on Monday, Feb 4. He left behind her and their 2 children (a son 14-years-old and a daughter 11-years-old). He also had a son from a previous marriage, who is 17-years-old.
I sleep a lot to escape having to think or having to do anything. It's so depressing. There is no comfort, except for sleep. I'd go back to bed, but have to go to the dentist. Have to take a shower for that. Ugh.
I'm so sorry that you have this to deal with. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love slowly kill themselves. I hope you can find a f2f meeting. I hate sleeping too much. It really makes me crazy. Luckily ( I think?) I don't seem to have that problem these days. Usually I get too little sleep now, living by myself with the kids. All the alone time I get is late at night when they are asleep. Anyway try some f2f if you can. You are in my thoughts today.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Hi E, so sad to read of your loved one being so ill. Am also very concerned that the disease has pulled you down too!!
I am sure it is horribly depressing. Hurts big time.
Have you thought about face to face meetings? Sounds like you may need a lifeline!!
Sometimes just starting by planting a plant, reading the books called, Farside, to make ya laugh help.
For some getting up and into the shower can make a huge difference. If you can I invite you to do something for you. I even will make me French toast instead of eating cold soup out of a can.....Pretty bad eh?
I will wash all my bedding and that makes me feel good. Anything to getcha to climb out of that pit. Hon my A has been in end stage since 99. Has had to be zapped back twice. Does so many drugs and other things that he should be dead, but there he is still walking and using people and drugs.
End stage just means they cannot stop on their own, and even if they go to rehab, the damage is so bad it cannot get better.
My A does the best in jail. A totally controlled environment. There he is all clean, doing AA. nice skin, color in his cheeks....so sad.
My concern is you. What can you do to make yourself feel better and start climbing out of the pit?
