The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've done it again. Became emotional involved with a guy. I allowed my feelings for him to get in the way of my "Inner Happiness", and as usual,I allowed him to make me happy. I done the oppisite of what I usually do, I ended the relationship with him. WHY??? Because I "assumed" he was going to end it with me.... He was nothing but kind, attentive, generous, considerate, loving towards me. And I could not accept that was who he was. So, I made the choice to end it.
Am I going nuts, now ,I KNOW how to make choices, am I going from one extreme to another.... I know I got in there first, to try and limit any damage on my heart, "Reject before being rejected" But OMG...I am breaking my heart today for a new reason....
I now "regret" chasing him out of my life. I think he was the best thing to come into my life in a long, long time. And I now know I looked for excuses for this relationship not to work.... I also didn't "expect" to feel like I do right now.
I miss him so much, he called me every day, told me something funny, made me smile. He done for me, what I do for others. He loves to laugh with me.
Is it ever going to get any easier on us. I have lived my life in pain suffering, saddness. But before Alanon It was the normal for me. Since Al-anon I am more "aware" of what I'm going through...And It's never ending....All I would like is to be a normal person, and share my life with a nice guy....Is that too much to ask for???
Have you done your 4th and 5th steps yet?? I know that those steps helped me to identify my part in the insanity and the patterns in my own behavior. In addition to all the other benefits, those steps also helped me to let go of alot of the baggage of the past.
Keep coming back.
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I don't know what to say, Hon, except at least you're recognizing these behavior patterns. I think it's probably normal for us to swing to the other extreme sometimes. Not knowing where the middle is is practically the definition of our disease.LOL
Hang in there.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
It is not accident that you are precisely where you are. Hp is with you, holding you and you are seeing somethings. I know it hurts so much but there is a silver lining in this cloud! You may not see or feel it but it will appear when you least expect it. Your eyes are open in a new way. Who knows, something may be able to be rekindled with this one but its gotta be HP's path. Hugs, J.
It is not accident that you are precisely where you are. I have to agree with Jean on this one
My sponsor has told me many times over the years, "Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it and not be ready for it."
I've found the older I get, the wiser my sponsor gets! LOL!
After I left my alcoholic/addict husband, I barely scratched the surface of my codependency issues before I was out there looking for love/happiness.
My HP is very patient with me, and quite willing to let me run through the briar patch as many times as I choose to before I throw in the towel and realize I've had enough, and get out of my own way.
Finally, a broken engagement to a man whom I thought loved me but walked out with no clear explanation created enough pain that I said no more, and I was ready to really get serious about working a program.
I spent the next 7 years working on unresolved issues and truly learning to find happiness within.
Then I got a few opportunities to date. Would you believe I wasn't even looking?!
The first fellow was a really nice chap, active in AA and sober for 2 years. He wasn't from here, but drove up frequently to attend AA meetings.
He started calling me on a regular basis, and I noticed something. I didn't immediately lose my sense of self, waiting by the phone, hanging on to every word I said.
I did talk to my sponsor at length, and it was agreed that it was an okay thing for me.
It was nice to go to a dinner, or movie, and then come home by myself! Gads, what progress for me! Heck, I'd usually jump into bed with them on the first date or two, confuse the sex with unrequited love, and I'd just get sicker and sicker, further and further into the relationship while hooking my reality off of him.
Sadly, he relapsed shortly after that. It didn't destroy my world because I realized I didn't have to have a man in my life to feel complete. I went through a brief period of grieving because it's hard to see anyone relapse, but then it was done and over with.
The second chap I met through my boss at the bbq joint where I was assistant manager (it was his father-in-law).
It took two dates, not pleasant at all, and in the middle of the second date I realized we had gone to eat pizza, only to listen to him drone on incessantly for 45 minutes about him, him, him and his problems (which were everyone/everything else)! He was so negative about his life that I could feel it pulling me down.
That was enough for me, and I told him I didn't mind seeing him when he came in to eat while I was working, but I wasn't interested in anything beyond that.
As always, the common denominator in all of my relationships has always been me. I could not reach the point that I am at today without working through all the steps, attending meetings, and finally finding happiness in self.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Ally relationships, if they are real, don't end in my experience.
With this revelation, is it possible to see him face to face, and tell him how you feel? If he cared for you that much, and has not moved on yet, we won't know until we confront him.
Even if he does not want to renew your relationship, at least you will have changed the routine.
I wish you were not so darn hard on yourself. Life it so hard.
I also want to say, if you don't want to talk to him....
It sounds like you are not ready to be in a relationship. In my experience, until I got to know me, like me, meet many challenges, I was not ready for a man in my life.
After years of going back to college, raising my kidlings, I found I was in love,and wanted him. I did not need him. In time a naturaly healthy need developed.
He was extra to my life, very precious. But I knew I could go on if I had to,with out him.
That was with my AH. I am still here.Would love a man in my life. Had one sort of for a bit.But soon as I realized he was A....that was that. I never got intimate with him. That would have mixed me up more, plus without marriage,I would not do that.
Anyway there are two options. You facing what happened may be the maturity you never experienced before. Maturity meaning your learning and surpassing acting with out knowing why.
If it is special,crimany love is hard to find, I would sure talk to him!!!
