The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have noticed that I tend to pile on tasks, jobs, etc. when I am freaking out and feeling overwhelmed instead of simplifying. I can see that this "saying yes" or not being able to say "no" re: work/career stuff right now is my way of burying land mines for myself and sabotaging my self.
When I pile on too much, I do none of it well. When I pile on too much, I get to make excuses for not doing any of it well. When I work towards increasing anxiety in my life instead of working to decrease it, I lose. Why do I keep doing this?
Today I can dump a couple of things off my "to do" list because they will be finished, thank god.
I have been going along really nicely with one day at a time, too. Then I got off track. I can still choose to return to one day at a time by passing all the things not contained in this single day to my HP, NOW! I can just pile it on HP, assign it to him like an employee. HP is the best worker.
Just by writing this, I feel better. Whenever I feel the tasks in my life are unmanageable, I just need to jettison off parts of it to HP and only attend to what I feel is manageable in my day. I can also ask HP to help me to learn to say no and get a better perspective of what I can and cannot take on. I do this to retain my serenity. Thanks for listening. J.
I can relate, and I think that tendency to self-sabotage usually pops up for me when I am not taking it a day at a time, and am usually in HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, or tired).
I have some basic things I really need to do each day, which makes organizing/prioritizing easier.
If I do NOT take my time in the morning for a reading/meditation, chances are the day starts to go sour somewhere along the way.
Some days I put so much on my plate that I'm frustrated before half the day is over, and then I beat on myself by day's end because I didn't accomplish nearly everything I wanted to.
It's comforting to know we have an HP we can turn so much over to and not have to be superwoman, IF we choose to!
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I do this too. I have been feeling pretty poorly lately and what do I want to do but pile stuff on my plate. I am taking a step back and really acknowledging I am not in a good place.
Jean, I relate. You know I have an animal sanctuary. This winter was so hard. I actually said no to a couple situations. was hard.
I wanted to tell ya, I see your progress because you saw what you were doing. Admitted it. In my experience that is how our Alanon works. We don't just "get it" we start using it,practicing, then it may sorta start late, the skill I mean, then it sorta comes natural with a bit of thought.
Next thing ya know, it comes without thinking.
I saw this by how I learned to ignore the A diseases bs yakking. I would immediately say,oh I know who you are, bye.....
Jean - for me it's a matter of separating out the "must-do's" from the "ought to do's". The must-do's are usually at work, though there are some things at home that fall into that category (like paying my bills, taking care of my pet, etc.). Then there are those damn "ought to's" that I pile on myself. My list has gotten so long that it's hard for me to even get started. I get so defeated. I find, for me, that keeping running "to do" lists is CRUCIAL and ESSENTIAL. Not only does it keep me organized and focused, but it also gets all of that mess out of my head. I sometimes wake up in the night thinking of something that I'm supposed to do, and immediately I jot it down on the notepad by my bed - THEN I can get some rest. I tell people that I have a "paper brain" - there's no actual brain up there - all my thoughts and reminders are on paper, or else they just don't exist!
Does the list always get done? Nope. Not even close. And sometimes those pesky items that linger on that list too long, simply get tossed in the trash. Not everything HAS to happen. Sometimes it's critical to our sanity to just say "no".
It must be something in the water for us codys. It has taken me many years to learn to say no. I had to start with the small things and work my way up to the larger ones. It's still not easy. But the more I practice it, the better I get (well most of the time! )
I'm a list person, at work and home. What I have found is NOT to add anymore to the list once I cross something off of it. At home, I have a small calendar with a few lines and I try only to fill those up. Once it is filled I have to find the time to do it on another day. Once again, it works most of the time. Ahh... I'm a work in progress. I also have to give myself permission, NOT to do all the things on my list. Does it really matter if I clean my bedroom a day later? Not really. I ask myself how important is it to get this done NOW? That usually throws things in perspective. I make sure to take Piper Kitty days at least twice a month. I have to practice that self-love because no one else will do it for me. Being able to say no is a big part of it. Thanks for the reminder. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks for the shares, I learned some new tips, too- great ones!
I just always think that when a situation presents itself its some kind of pathway for me to take and if I do not take it, I will lose that opportunity but I have found through this program (thank god) that HP runs my path and that I certainly cannot leap at everything that comes up- indeed I need to learn to be more choosy.
This connects to something else that I have noticed about myself- I assume that everyone around me is right- and then I immediately think I am not. I am learning that sure everyone can be right- whatever- and then what I am is what I am- whether that is in alignment with others or not, does not really matter too much. I can respect what others believe but I do not need to accept it as mine hook line and sinker.
What matters is my own understanding in partnership with HP. More and more, feelings, people, situations are not stopping me dead in my tracks- I feel more rooted in HP and then the winds and waters and earthquakes and hurricanes can all pass through and I just hunker down and wait for it to pass through- me and HP huddled together. Thanks everyone- J.
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