The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dear Alanons, After being so distraught with grief, for a few days, I am feeling much better! Much better. Actually....I am feeling stronger by the minute! I feel so much weight has been taken off me. I am not trying to make this heavy, demanding, draining relationship HAPPEN ANYMORE! Even though I am in early days and slight euphoria, I know that now I have the strenght in God to not go back. I have slammed the book shut on that era of my life. BANG! Only a sober, programme -working,completely changed, honest AH will do!! Daily I take small steps of reality in securing my boundaries and informing the right people he is not living here etc. I actually feel that I was possessed in some way you know? God ripped something out of me like a huge weed that was sucking my life away.... Sounds bizarre I know. I had to enact courage to make the break before anything could happen. I have spent sooooo much time and energy trying to solve his problems, researching, thinking, praying like a maniac.... No wonder I have always been confused about who I am and what I should do with my life....hullo? I have been tangled up in someone else's soul, so co dependant and oh so controlled. I've been a mothering,manipulating,MMMMMartyr, well not quite cos I ain't dead and I haven't felt more alive in years!!!Thanks alanon.
Silverbrumby - isn't it amazing when our head clears a bit and we have some glimpses of clarity?!?!?! For me, being fully at that new level didn't happen in one giant awakening - but it did happen in bits and pieces - like dawn breaking. First I could see tiny bits of things, so I knew that a new life was out there - but as the "sun started coming up", I could see more and more. It's been two months since my A has been out of my life, and those moments of clarity are more and more, but I still stumble into landmines here and there.
I don't know how long it will take to fully reach the level of acceptance and serenity that I want about my situation. But I have enough distance from the mess now, that I can see things much more clearly. That's such a gift.
Continue taking things one day at a time. I'm inspired by your progress.
As Jean said in a recent post about mothering and manipulating, it's time to mother and manipulate yourself.
When a part of me is feeling unsure of my decisions or perhaps unsure that I can't do something, I use a visual technique that really helps me carry on - I call it "mothering my inner child." In my mind's eye, I see two people: me as I am now (a grownup) and me as a child about 8 years old. I imagine myself talking to that child and telling her that everything is fine and I will protect her. It 'usually' works.
One day I was talking to my psychologist about the part of me that is scared, nervous, etc. He was the one that pointed out that that part of me is the child in me. I thought "yeah, yeah, I read about that inner child stuff....." But then I gave it some thought to what he said and took his advice about talking to that scared little girl. You know, it worked and is still working today.
I'm hoping you will find ways to mother and manipulate yourself. Again, kudos to you!!!!!!! Keep up the good work.
Woo-hoo! Way to go! I know exactly how you are feeling. I am tired of the strain, trying to make things work. I am truly, honestly, giving him up to HP. Did so a couple of months ago. What a revelation! A brand-new me! Watch out world, here I come. Congrats. Keep working it, you're worth it. Love in Recovery, Becky1
