The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last year when the A was ill, I pulled out al the stops to take care of him, found him a place, fed him, took care of him, supported him, encouraged him and worked day and night to support it all.
Now I am ill, really absolutely exhausted to the bone and I don't have the same ferocious passion to take care of me. I feel like I am dragging myself around. I have none of the focus, passion, and care that I gave so compulsively to him.
I do have a great huge love for my dogs and pets and that is one reason I am so determined to make it through this trough of whatever it is. I am looking for counseling and I am re -evaluating. Some things are better. I can use the kitchen where I live (what a huge gift that is). I can go to the bathroom without wondering what I will encounter on the way there. Things are quiet but I am exhausted and lost in some ways.
I have small goals for myself, reasonable goals but I wonder how could I give to the A so easily and have nothing left for myself after that.
Maresie, just the fact that you have the level of awareness that you have is a HUGE step in the right direction!! Even that is a form of focussing on yourself and taking care of yourself.
I struggle with this also although I must admit, it is getting a tiny bit easier. At the very least, I now have SOME SENSE of what I can do to take care of myself!! and I can proceed to try and do those things. Thanks to this program- Hugs, J.
Hang in there lady!! This program is about learning how to take care of ourselves. I found out that it was intuitive to take care of others...I just hopped to it and when it came to me? Not a clue!! And then we learn and practice till we get it (how to care for ourselves.) I was once asked what I thought it felt like to be loved and cared for by myself and I didn't have a clue. I know how today. Find your answers and follow thru on them and keep coming back for (((((hugs)))))
Maresie - I find that I have to get VERY CONCIOUS about treating myself well. Treating myself as good as I treat the ones I love. When I'm sick - I have to CONCIOUSLY THINK, "how would I take care of ___ if he/she felt like this?" Then I do that. It works in all kinds of situations.
Reaching out and asking for help is also a toughie. I'd rather lie on the floor in misery than call someone and ask for help. I don't want to bother people. I don't want to be too much trouble. I don't want to appear weak. All of those things are true of me. And I think they're true of so many of us al-anoner's. Because we are, after all, the caretakers. I'm learning that people who care about me WANT to help me and feel needed sometimes. I've been confronted SEVERAL times by different friends about my inability to accept help or favors or small kind gestures. I'm learning to ask for help and I'm learning to simply say "thank you" when unsolicited help arrives.
I hope you're able to do the same when you need it. If you aren't doing that - you ought to try it. People who care about us - really do want to help out when they can.
thank you all for your feedback. After 4 days of some rest I am beginning to be able to feel my back again. I was so sore, so tired and so absolutely spent out. I am trying to put together some workable goals. One of the core ones is to get some medical stuff done. I am really feeling pretty ill.
