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hi my family, i was wondering if some of have gone though this..my daughter is expecting in 4 weeks as in my earlier post the baby isnt gaining weight{daughter hasnt gained any weight in 2 months}THE ULTRASOUND SAID THE BABY IS ALMOST 2LBS{DEC 10}i want to go up there to be with my daughter and also in case the baby doesnt make it.....the problem is im scared to tell my SAH that i want to go up to ny..i think he is going to tell me no,and come up with all kinds of things for not to go have any of you had this problem,i think if he says no that is his way of controlling me.can some of you share{he works but doesnt drive{has no license}and this is going to be one thing he will bring up for not to go thanks
Sounds like you already know what you need to do and that you are forearmed with the knowlege of how your SAH is going to try to control you--that is most of the battle right there!!
I try to remember the slogan "say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it mean" in these situations. You are not doing this to punish him, you are doing it because it is what you need to do and you have every right to do that.
If he can't drive, it would seem that that would be his problem to deal with--is he in program?? He can pick up the phone and ask his fellow AAs for help. If he is not in program, he can call someone else or look up the bus schedule. I chauffered my AH around for a year after he lost his license--geez, I wish I had found Al-Anon then!! I didn't get the DUI, I wasn't sentenced to one-year of driving him around, but I did it. UGH!! What I have learned is that it was not my job and that I was keeping my active AH from feeling the consequences of his actions. Part of sobriety involves the As growing up and learning to take care of themselves, but we have to let them try.
If you have decided that this is what you need to do and that your HP agrees, try to not engage him or give him an opening to try to manipulate you into doing otherwise. When my SAH was active I know that the more I talked, the more ammo I gave him to use against me.
You don't have to justify your desire to be with your daughter and grandchild--that is a normal and healthy desire. If he doesn't get that, he doesn't get that. It's a simple as that. But it doesn't make him right and it doesn't make you wrong. It just is.
Your grandbaby is in my prayers!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I have a friend of mine who says: "Men: they come and go. Your Children: they are the ones that really matter." I must say, I have to agree- if he cannot deal with it, that is his problem. He is a big boy.
Geez, if only the worst thing in life had to do with finding a ride instead of giving birth to a less than 2 lb baby!??
does't drive no licence if he lost it because of a DUI his problem bet he can find someone at work that would pick him up on thier way . this is your daughter and if u want to be with her go by all means , like someone already said he is a big boy and can look after himself for awhile. Some alcoholics are hostage takers resent any one else in their partners life they don't share well a form of control you betcha . His insecurities are not your problem unless of course u take them on . Your describing a pregnancy that we went thru with our grandson 4 yrs ago mom didn't gain weight , baby was born way too soon he weighed 1&3/4 lbs when born was in hosp four months before he culd come home . incubator tubes life support is very scarry place for a daughter alone she will need you oh by the way grandson just tore past me chassing the dog he is perfect and smart as a whip , wishing your daughter and baby well . trust me this is not somthing u want to be beating yourself up for if somthing gos wrong follow your heart he will be fine or not hehe husb that is . Louise
my opinion, your daughter needs you. his problems are not your problems unless you let them be. does it really matter what he thinks? What do you think?
I would think this time with your daughter would be one that you can't get back, while your AH's issues will repeat and repeat. Do what your heart tells you to do....Much Love....
I am going to turn this around and reverse it a little. You are the only one who needs the transportation. If you can get there by rail, bus or fly then do it. Nothing is more important than your daughter and her baby right now. Hope this helps a little. Luv Leo xx
