The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Well, the A is back in jail.Heard through his brother. While he cannot call me as I don't have a landline, he could call me 3 way which he hasn't. His friend did call me once hinting about money. I made it clear that was not an option for me. I also spoke to him once for a half a second when I ASK to talk to him when he was connecting to his mom-I was at a mutual friend's where he was calling the land line. I know I don't want to talk to him now- I really do now that as he will just be wanting something- but I must confess that part of me is also hurt that he hasn't tried to communicate with me. My ego takes it as a insult Silly I know.
I always heard that when a loved one was in jail it was the best thing for them and us; them because they had a safe place which was warm, secure, had medical treatment, and food. Us, because, for once, we knew where they were and could go to AA.
Your ego, your heart, it's not silly and I understand. Sending you a big (((hug)))) and at the very least you know where he is. And rest assured tonight that he is not having a good time there either. Take this time to rest, your mind, your heart and your soul.
Co - I could relate to your post very much. We've got the same thing in our brain that seems to be telling us, "What's so bad about me that you don't want to talk to me?". And I LOVE Maria's response that reminds us that sometimes our HP does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. That's true and very comforting to hear. I know in my case that's EXACTLY what happened. So glad that HP intervened for me.
I'm with everyone on this one. Jail sounds like the best place for him right now - and will give you the opportunity to focus on yourself and doing what you need to do for you.
When I came to Al-Anon I realized that I needed to "detox" from my AH. Looking back, I believe that my HP was at work when we separated a little over 2 years ago--it was almost like my HP did for me what I couldn't do for myself at that time, which was to let him go. It was only after that "forced" detox that I was able to start to heal and to focus on myself. Maybe this is your HP's gift to you?? Are you ready to take it and take advantage of this opportunity?? Stay strong and keep coming back.
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
HI hi Co, /\/\ and to all who re the jail postings
Funny -- it was around this time of year several years ago I was transporting my a-ex from jail to the school we attended and then back in turn come the p.m. ( after school ). He was not considered a flight risk, his judge let him go then.
I love the easing god out relationship to ego that I am want to do.. Even still -- lol! I kept us afloat -- he spoke of an awareness in 12 step due to his family of origin having 12 step needs of their own. In that as clear as I could tell, the ex was someway free of the 12 step need to acknowledge a drinking problem, I just thought his term in Jail was his oops ( extreme dui and no follow up court appearance )
As time goes we fell apart, I had made recall progress in al anon and he in his whatever he did and it still stabs me in my heart how he could have played me to full fill his a-needs -- always promising me we would always be -- the money I spent would be put back into our lives together -- bla bla bla.. let it go
A really nifty clue I got in our p.m. meetings is to write the closure letter to the a and then to either give it to your sponsor or to destroy it via burn or to shred it or to bury it in the back yard.
Let it go someway -- the easing god out is an anchor in my eyes to help me remember other tools / slogans and even to just saturate my mind with program materials.
The pain of recall lessens every time I recall to give it all over to the first step, for what its worth. Recall to thank ur h p for letting u find us. namaste~ c u in chat Love in recovery and oceans of love getoverit
as a p.s. to the easing god out.. ego had started in him the name calling / blame cycles for / on us. I understand from there violence then is just around the corner.. I stopped it him / us in that I've had the violence erupt in / up / on in other relationships Dear -- it is ok to simply use the tool to L G L G
I applaud your honesty. There is a part of me that is hurt the A has not reached out to me. How dare other people be codependent with him, that role is mine and mine alone. I know I have set huge limits in my life on being codependent and it is so hard to give it up. I also know that I go through the motions these days. I know absolutely that my codependence will kill me if I don't stop. Maresie.
