The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What is the oppisite of being compassionate? I believe I am being Un-compassionate as a coping mechanism. I feel like I am trying to stay frozen all the time so that I don't have to feel the pain or anymore pain than I have already felt. I feel like I am turning into a loveless person. I don't want to be this way forever. I am ok with being like this for right now because I need a break from the constant pain. But I heard at a meeting that hate doesn't have a target and once you start hating, it spreads. Maybe you only wanted to hate one person, but eventually, it infects all aspects of your life. I feel like it is the same with this lack of compassion,empathy or love. The longer I allow myself to be in this space of anger(?) or blame(?) the more it will overtake me and the harder it will be for me to find love again...for myself or others. What can I do to combat this? And what is the word I am looking for?
Frigid? no um loathing? no how about critical? These are all the opposite of compassion, warmth, empathy. I know I know I'll look it up - the thesaurus says it's coldness or indifference.
I think in your case it's just justified resentment. The key is to let go of the resentments and realize you are better off and that he's totally done you a favor! Just imagine if you would have spent years more in that! Now it's someone else's problem. I know it's hard to think like that but really what's the prize the other woman has won? You KNOW, she has yet to see :)
You have plenty of empathy and love, you give it to me all the time. You just have a blanket hardened heart to addicts maybe? For me I had to learn to feel sorry for him because he can never have a whole life, he can never experience true happiness, on the other hand I can. I still have hope. If he gets help, he might have hope if not it's just more of the same. You have gotten help and have changed for the better. Like Mr. T always said... Pity the fool!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
I guess i would describe a lack of compassion as being harsh, judgemental, critical. Almost always, when I find myself in this mode on the outside (of being harsh, etc.) its because I am doing it to myself on my inside. Its not at all about others outside of me (they are just triggers), its about how I am feeling about myself.
Easy does it.
Thankfully, I have a program that helps me to take time to navigate what is going on inside of me. I have a program that helps me filter through what I am feeling and why in face to face al anon meetings, developing a stronger bond with my HP, through reading the books and literature, talking to my sponsor and other members, working in service positions, etc.
When I find my AH being harsh, etc. I take some comfort in knowing that he is working really hard on beating himself up about something inside of himself, too, because I know the mechanics of how that works : ) or, in other words, I have developed compassion for him because of my own struggles and difficulties. We both have diseases and distorted thinking. J.
I have got pretty hard in regards to certain people. I think it is the A in particular. I have simly burned out. I think I was too compassionate before a complete walk over if someone can be that.
Could the answer to that question be arrogant and self centered? Could it also include spiteful, discounting, and denial? Time to learn. I'm reading. Thanks for the question.
