The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my ex-best friends (an addict/alkie who relapsed and I had not heard from her in quite a while) just called and left me a very teary-eyed dramatic "I love you/I miss you" message on my VM (if there is one thing this program has taught me is to NOT ANSWER the phone when the A/Addicts call, let them leave a message and get back to them when I are good and ready to, if at all!!!). She sounded drunk/high (I do not know if she was but doesn't matter, its the disease that makes them sound that way wet or dry- learned this from my mom who sounds like a drunk and has not had a drink in 40 years).
I see she also sent me an email. She had a head injury which her doctors have told her makes her "emotionally incontinent" (wow, now THAT is a new way to refer to it!) so she cries a lot (??!!)
I have no idea if she is in recovery or not.
She and I used to work together and I need her for job references- she works at a very very prestigious place which will look good on my resume. But if someone calls her and asks about me do I trust what she says? What should I do? Thanks for any feedback. J.
I can only give you my ESH. I have to deal with lots of dysfunctional people. I try to set lots of boundaries. I also try to be "kind" but not over giving. I think this is pretty difficult. I get pretty triggered so I have to manage my triggers.
Definately get another reference. She's not stable enough to provide a good recommendation. And I want you to have the best reference possible. Besides think of it this way: at one point, people put Enron on their resume. People that do so now have to be so specific about what they did there, it's almost not worth it.
Well, if she will cry and get all hysterical about your incredible skills and knowledge and how perfect you will be for the job, maybe it would be a good thing? emotional incontinence.....wonder if they make a pad for that....like depends....I have had diereaha of the mouth once...just couldn't shut up. I have been known to vomit out my story to those who don't need to know.....I wonder if she jumps up and down will she just start crying? And run for the kleenex?
Is it obvious to people who don't know her that something is "wrong" with her? If so, then maybe not using her as a reference is the best idea. However, if she can come across as professional and astute (and you have reason to believe that she will say glowing things about you), then go for it. Why not?
I have no advice for you Jean, but I wanted to thank you for passing on that term.."Emotional Incontinence"! I love it! So when I unexpectedly break out in an emotional drama...I can just smile at those around me and say... "Excuse me, anybody have any tums?" or..."Hey it's natural! What do you want me to do, hold it in til I explode!!!?"
or..."Hey it's natural! What do you want me to do, hold it in til I explode!!!?" 