The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in this dilemma. The job I am in is ending in a few weeks. I will have to go out and interview. They are not clear on my job when it is exactly ending. I imagine that it will go over a week or so if I wanted it too. The issue is I am totally burned out with working long hours and communting. I'd really rather say to them well I am just going on the 31st I have something else to go to but I don't. So I have to hang on and see what happens. I am totally fed up that they do not say how long they want me to hang around for. I am also actually just totally burned out with working and not getting medical attention and dental attention as well.
I would love to just flee somewhere, go live somewhere sane where everyone is not dysfunctional. The temperature in my house is like a oven and the landlord does nothing to turn the thermostat down. I've asked him 30 times now to buy a box to put over the thermostat so that people can't jack the temperature up. He does nothing. Last night I called him to complain about one of my most anti social neighbors. He is supposed to move out on the 30th/31st. If he doesn't I am definitely going to start looking for something else. Obviously being between jobs is not a good time to look.
I am also not that that in funds. I have to say that there were times last year when I had no money to speak of. I had barely a few dollars some days. If I get laid off I will get unemployment and it would be enough to tide me over for a week or so but not for long.
So everything is up in the air for me again and I feel so much at the mercy of others, my employers (who are jerks), the people who I am applying for work to (the university seems to be the best bet but getting in there is hard!). I am also at the mercy of finding someplace to live that' s affordable when my credit is shot and i have an eviction on my record.
I realise all of this is pretty doable especially when I do not have the A around to compound crisis. At the same time I'd like a rest. I am worn out. I am tired and need need so much, glasses, dental work, medical work ups, a place to swing a cat in (literally).
I'm further along than I was in April but it hurts to still be in such need and not know how to get through so many obstacles.
Oh Maresie, I read all your posts and I wish I had a magical solution for you. I can only imagine how worn down you are as it makes me exhausted reading what you go through.
When things went to hell in a hand basket here several years ago with my then 15 year old daughter, I just completely collapsed. I had been doing the 'super' mom thing, never taking any time for myself, I had health issues that needed to be addressed, I was running on little to no sleep at all. I had been making NO meetings at all because I couldn't find the time. I made the mistake of letting my then 25 year old daughter stay temporarily after a 9 month stint in jail.
It was total chaos. I ended up booting the 25 year old out and changing the locks. I came home early one day from running errands, and walked into my home reeking of pot. She had some man I had never seen before in her bedroom (he was later convicted of molesting two 9 year old girls and went to prison). There were empty cases of beer hidden in her closet.
Shortly after that my 15 year old ran away with a 24 year old man (that my 25 year old had introduced her to) and I completely lost it.
My youngest daughter ended up in juvie lockup and then on to a foster home for a year. I had been working 3 jobs and quit two of those.
I started going back to meetings, recharging my spiritual battery, and placing myself amongst the people who understood and cared.
I addressed my health issues. I started making time for all these things, rather than trying to find it.
It took a complete meltdown in the midst of the chaos to make those changes.
I do pray for you. We need to remember we are human. (((hugs)))
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
