The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thought I would share with you, as you know, I have had Alcoholics in my life. One I had a "kind of relationship" with. For twenty two years he has been in my life as a "neighbour", "friend", "big brother", "lover","monster"..lol Whenever, I needed him he was there, always, until it all went wrong.
I have been "kidding" myself for the last year, thinking I had let him go. I was very good at it aswell, but the last few weeks i have FINALLY let go of him. I have learned through different people both inside and outside the fellowship.
I hated him, he HURT me, He used me, HE manipulated me, HE laughed at me, He watched me suffer, He Ignored my when I was in pain.....It was all about HIM....
What about ME...What part did I play in this all. welllllllllll... I allowed him to hurt me, I allowed him to use me, I allowed him to manipulate me, I allowed all of these things. I also, manipulated him, hurt him, used him, and abused him by my "obsessed behavours"......To look back now I am "shocked"...
We both got into something for all the wrong reasons. We were lonely, wanted comfort, love, affection, the feeling of being with someone... But, It wasn't meant to be, and we were both still too "immature" to handle the situation, so we hurt one another, over and over again.
Today I have my programme, and he has his. We had "many" happy times together. Today he can't face me, he has his own "thoughts" on that... It's my life I have control over, no-one elses....
SO.....Remember the good times, feel them, grieve them, and let them go.
THis is a picture of a "Young, Free and Single, Happy Ally" Wearing her "soccer top"..lol
I would NEVER have thought I could have let go of this person in my life...Today I have. I accept him for who he is, I don't hate him, I hate the disease of "Alcoholism".
Ally you are playing my tune precisely! That is exactly my story too. You are really inspiring. Keep posting, I like to read what you have to say. I think letting go is incremental. But there is a point of no return, too- like a tipping point when you have let go enough and then it really seems to "go"! Thanks for your post, it was what I needed to read this morning. Hugs, J.
It is so difficult to let go. I find that somedays I feel like I have totally let go and then the next day feeling the opposite. I'm happy to hear you have finally let go. You are so pretty. Thank you so much for posting this.
You look pretty well put back together to me. That's a pretty genuine smile. I had to look twice cause mine might have been a smirk. LOL Keep on keepin on!!
