The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new here. I have this sort of ex-boyfriend, who keeps coming back, when he's the one that ended it. He was a non drinking alcoholic (or whatever you call it) when we were together. Recently he has started drinking again, and leaning on me. He just spent a week with me after asking if he could come here and stay because his life was spinning out of control, depression, lonliness, and yes, drinking too much. He promised he would not drink when he was here, but at this point, he has no control over that. I couldn't stand to see what he was doing to himself and inevitably we had some disagreements. He left early this morning for the 3 hour drive home without waking me. I just spoke with him, and he denies its a problem. And I think, gee, did I overreact? So now he has me doubting it and I know what I witnessed was real. That he drank uncontrollably half the night not going to bed til 4 or so all week. Am I over reacting? Or is he in denial? I still love him, but I'm afraid of him and how he can mess up my life. I need to disconnect. But I am so afraid of him harming himself.
cross country, the thing about this program is that we put the focus on US. We do not focus on the alcoholics or addicts in our lives. They are going to do what ever it is that they are going to do (which includes lying, using, manipulating, etc.). We need to protect ourselves by keeping our focus on ourselves, not reacting, detaching, etc. We learn to place our relationship with our Higher Power above the one we have with the A/addicts in our lives. After that primary HP relationship is the one we have with OURSELVES. After that come our family and friends (of which some are A's/addicts. There are a lot of wonderful tools you can learn about and use in this program. If there are face to face al-anon meetings in your area, please go if you are not already going. Please keep coming back. Hugs, J.
It is called dry drunk syndrome. My AHSober still walks, talks like an alcoholic. He hasn't drank in over 20 years. Go to an Alanon meeting for experience, strength and hope. We are all coming from the same place.
In support, Nancy
PS I went xcskiing yesterday morn. Great therapy for me!
We all over react to A's at different times. I hear you saying you are at certain limits and he is carrying on drinking anyways. What does that say about his alcoholism. You can detach and focus on you. Yes I know that is difficult. You cannot watch him 24/7 to stop him from harming himself. He has a HP who is there for him if he wants one. I am sure he has been exposed to recovery. Many of us fall into the role of rescuer because A's are great great manipulators.
You are in the right place. They have meetings here daily in the chat room. Some places have meetings that are nearby, some dont'. Going to a face to face meeting may help you feel less alone. You can also go to the chat room here daily and log in and be with others.
You are all so great. What a support group. I'm feeling better already. Keep it coming. By the way, he went home in a huff, and now he's still contacting me via email. He just won't let go of me, when it was he that wanted to leave me. Why is he so dependent on me now? I am trying to stay neutral and not let my feelings back into this dead end relationship. Thanks everyone!
