The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have noticed myself feeling slightly bitter and resentful of the fact that I have to spend money that SHOULD go to our kids just to be rid of HIM. I think partially because I feel like I'm already working two jobs just to get by and thinking where's the money gonna come from? Also, I keep wishing for the miracle cure where it all just goes away. Why can't it be like those countries where I say I divorce you in public three times and it's all over? LOL
I haven't had any resentment toward him in a long time but now that I have to deprive me and the kids of money we need and deserve BECAUSE of him - once again - I"m feeling irked.
This too shall pass.... Money will appear to help me do this... I will find a lawyer willing to work with me...
Just wanted to get rid of some of that resentment, I know I'm so much better off without it and just accepting that it is what it is, it's just hard to swallow at the moment. I keep thinking of trips to disneyland and all the other things I could do with that money!
Some resentments are soo hard to let go of. I still find myself getting resentful at things like money issues and even just the physical work load here.
The other day I was really mad at him and me really because I just had a really hard day getting the regular daily stuff done after getting the truck stuck in a big sink hole in the goat trail we call a road to our place. I made my arm and shoulder sore digging in the ice and then had to go aut and do all the regular feeding. All I could think of was "geez, can't I even give my Mom a ride out to the car without some kind of sh** happening around here". Thank goodness my neighbors were home to help pull me out.
Thing is I was mad because I was so tired. Tired of having a road that's not a road. Tired of hauling water and not being able to just turn on water and take a hot bath when I'm tired. Just tired of living like this.
Sorry, CG. I didn't mean to highjack your post with my vent. I just feel like I know what you mean. Sober or not, it still seems like the c**p never ends. Sometimes I just want a fairy godmother to bring me some calgon (and a barrel of water and a jug of propane).LOL
I get like this when I'm really tired.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
When I feel resentful about something I get out my gratitude journal and read my list of thigs I am grateful for. I add to it. That really pulls me back to reality.
I also remind myself that a "resentment is like a cup of poison I prepare for another and end of drinking myself.". When I resent another person or situation that other person rarely even know I am resenting them. So there is no power or satisfaction in that...just the fact that it is taking some of MY serenity away from me.
When I have two choices I do like Dear Abby always said...make a list of the pros and cons about a situation and look at your list. It will help you decided . So making a list of what is GOOD about getting the divorce and what is bothering you abtu it...I'd guess the GOOD side woudl have a longer list. Jut seeing something like that in writing can ease alot of resentment.
And like you said...the money will work out. You and the kids can do something fun that is not Disneyland.
I can understand being resentful. I think that's a part of our recovery. My solution to being resentful is to take nails, a hammer and a piece of wood and pound the living daylights out of it! It takes all that pent up energy that can fester and gets it out. Sometimes I even invision the nail being the disease, the hammer being my recovery and I say to it "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT ME!" I swear the neighbors must think I'm nuts (okay I am the HAPPY LUNATIC) but it feels so much better. Besides it's better than beating him with the hammer! Much love and blessings to you and your family. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I was dealing with this myself yesterday as AH produced more carbon dioxide and didn't follow through with the list of tasks he was going to do on his "magical and productive" days off. It's like Wimpy who will offer to pay you tomorrow for the hamburger today.Some seething going on, trying the steps. I have to remind myself that resentment is like poison. I love the hammering idea. CG I don't know what state you are in, but my friend filed her papers online for only a few hundred dollars. you might do some internet searching. you could also think of this as an investment. my ah spent that much in beer, cigarettes, and red bull alone in the last 3 months. being an a is not a cheap hobby.
CG, it is an investment, I think OU is right on the mark with that. You are investing in your brighter future, getting your ducks in a row, etc. That piece of paper could be viewed like a diploma, a deed, etc. on your new life, one without him free and clear. Like making the last payment on your mortgage- now its all you, free and clear. I know that feeling of exhaustion and yes, the money and the lawyer will be there if its all meant to be, it will all come together in HP's time and in HP's way. You are doing a great job, I find you to be such an inspiration here! I love to read your posts and responses, you have a good head on your shoulders. J.
The A I was with took most of our stuff and has it in storage which I paid for for months on end. He also as you well know destroyed a truck that I paid for then took the insurance money. I have to say particularly over Christmas that I just feel relieved that I no longer have to deal with him. Whatever i have to deal with be it financial burdens (I am practically bankrupt), craziness in the shared house I am in, whatever it is nothing is as much as he put me through.
For me there is a cost to that freedom and some of it is a ruined credit rating, impaired health and isolation. I will be years getting to where I was when I met him.
I think there will probably be another phase after this phase of relief. Thanks for reminding me its in the works. I work daily on grieving and letting go of resentments about him. There is a whole lot of them.
The A I was with was very rarely responsible. He did contribute some during the time we were together now that is all gone by the wayside. I went today to our shared mailbox. I was reminded of his denial by the stuff I found there. I was reminded of what I used to live with.
What I am trying to say is that I believe Leaving has its cost, staying has its cost. For me I did not leave till staying was no longer a question. Now I'm left there is a cost but most days I am prepared to pay it.
Okay - a trip to Disney would be fun for a few days, no doubt about it. But weighed against the freedom you'll gain from that little piece of paper that says you're no longer legally connected to or responsible for someone you don't want to be around - that, to me, would be priceless. Instead of looking at as an expense to get rid of him, how about looking at it as an investment in your future AND your kids future.... I'm sure your HP will help you find a way to get it done. And if he's back in jail (if I remember previous posts correctly), your son's custody should be a done deal. No judge is going to award custody to an inmate.
Wow, I love the investment concept. If I look at all my As', and consider the investment I place into each relationship, and consider the long-term costs of maintaining said relationship - I see that I am investing in Enron. Why do I let myself get dragged into anger/resentment when I am now FULLY aware of the cost. This is a great incentive for me to continue my focus on detachment and on me and my future.
Hi Carolinagirl, boy am i walking right beside you right now. I have some tools to keep from exploding right in his face like a Jerry Springer Show. But to see him have drinking money and smoking money while we go without hurts me. I actually picked up the phone today and called town social services and state social servies to get some help. I have worked two jobs for over 25 years now to make ends meet and I am very humiliated inside to do what I did today. I wanna take our children to Disney so bad too! It's not fair that Daddy gets his whole paycheck everyweek and we go without. I actually had to ask my Mom for gas money to get back and forth to work this week. I need a free lawyer and I just want this money thing to end. It takes every ounce of my energy every week to see if Daddy will somehow pull through. Boy the truth hurts to think I actually thought he always put us first, talk about deniel! Right now breathing and not letting the kids see how upset I am is all I can do. I know once I tap into his drinking money the gloves are on. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING it does seem to help to talk and express bitterness toward your AH. Kelly
I swear the neighbors must think I'm nuts (okay I am the HAPPY LUNATIC) but it feels so much better. Besides it's better than beating him with the hammer! Much love and blessings to you and your family. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
