The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been going on for over a dozen years, my little sister who was my closest friend growing up, has been addicted to crack cocaine. I have assisted her, gave her money, typical enabling traits - she lost a kid years back to the state due to her addiction. She's put herself through the worst you can imagine - really gut wrenching, and put me through plenty (robbed, threatened, jumped). Two years back - my wife and I - in a state of weakness agreed to help her build a life in our state (we'd moved across the country to escape the drama). Well, within three months of getting here - she was hitting the pipe again. Its been a three month on, three month off cycle since she was here. Her son (4 when he arrived, two years ago) was passed off to people she met on the street, in bars, wherever - we'd search and take him in whenever this happened. State intervention has occurred in the past, but she'd get clean - and they'd go away. A qhile ago I was called by the son's school - it was late, pm - he was still there, no way to raise mom. I picked him up, went to the house - when she was unable to be raised, I called 911 - partially out of fear for her safety, partially out of fear for her sons. My wife and I have had the child ever since - her rights have been suspended temporarily. We're trying to cut our ties (Its me cutting ties - my wife cut hers long ago). All this tie cutting culminated in a call tonight - I wanted to say - leave me alone, get through this yourself... I want to live a day without 10 phonecalls from you (I have quit answering the phone), without your added stress. Her screaming in my ear elevated my screaming to "consider us no longer related, you are no longer my sister..." which isn't too far from how I feel, but still feeling compassion - I don't want this to be the closing of our relationship - however, any inch is stretched to a mile by her so it may just be best left as is. This has been especially rough, since I am trying to remove what feels like cancer from my life. This affects my ability to concentrate - I can't have fun anymore, I wish we'd said no two years ago - out of sight - out of mind. I guess all this means I really need to head to an alanon meeting - its a tough first step. Ugh. Will it ever end?
You've found a new home and friends here that understand where you are coming from. Going to an Alanon meeting will be a pc. of cake opposed to what you've been going through. Finally, some support, some answers, and some tools to deal with it all. It's all do-able. Alanon allows you to let go of the power you thought you had to change things and hand your sister over to her HP (Higher Power) so you can move forward and find some peace.
I'm glad you found us, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You have come to the right place. As they have said about the spouses of A's (in my case) we are worse off then they are. We do everything that they won't do for themselves. Go to a meeting so you know you are not alone and you will gain tools to cope. There is an interesting (not the best word - shocking, alarming, gripping) show of A & E called Intervention. When I first watched it I was so judgmental of the addicts - boy look at them. But the more I watched the show the more I saw myself in the families. My son has struggled. I am not sure what his addiction is but I bail him out and he connives and then I enable and say no more and he begs and I give in. To me on that show you can see how the disease of addiction thrives on everyone helping it out. But I must say when children are involved you must step in - bless you for doing that.
does it ever end? No, the disease will always be there.However, what can end is our being pulled into their pit.
After awhile of learning and using what we learn from Alanon, and each other, the drama is still there but is more like on another plane.
We go on with our lives, they stay in their pit. We were in it with them but climbed out bit by bit. Then we find we are out in the sunshine and life and hope.Sadly we know they are still in their pit. But again, it is no longer part of our reality.
I am so sad she had kids. My sil is a white dope addict too. Her son is drug affected, plus had a horrible upbringing in a dyfunctional home. As the disease worsened in the family, gma got evicted, sil ended up homeless, my ah is a toy in a gross situation, sil's boy, well he was in Juvey, and who gets called to take him in??MY SON. oh brother.
NO we did not take him in.
Anyway, maybe think of where you are now and how you can move ahead and not beat yourself up for bringing her where you are. We learn from making mistakes, hopefully.
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, love and laughter (good for the ). Lots of great responses here. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do sober or not. There is nothing you can do about that. I suspect you know that already. No sense banging your head against the wall.
Recovery is about taking back your life, regardless if your sister is sober or not. It's about living the life you so richly deserve. It's about doing what is best for you and your family.
It's hard to cut ties and it doesn't mean that you don't love your sister. But a person can only take so much. You will find you are not alone in this journey of recovery. Alanon has given me back, what little sanity I ever had! lol Please keep coming back to us. Here's to your New Year and new life. May it be filled with lots of love, laughter and most of all serenity.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
-- Edited by Karilynn at 08:23, 2008-01-04
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you all, these were very comforting replies. I will spend some more time reading through other posts on this board.
Last night, unfortunately, I had to give the same "you're cut off" talk to my mother, who is the one who funds her (and her dealers) and always sees "her point of view" - I have dealt with a lot of abuse from her too - things like "its on your shoulders if she kills herself" Well, no more.
There is no shame in loving an addict. My ex is a crack addict also. It is a nasty thing to have to deal with. Keep comming, listening, you will hear what you need to hear. Get to a f2f. I remember so well when I first started I was scared to say my then husband was a crack addict. The first time someone else shared that her husband was a crack addict I cried with relief. Since then I have come to understand that addiction is addiction. But between me and you.....crack addiction is something "special". It is the only drug known to man that can override the mother-child bond completely. I was floored when I ready those studies.
This program is for me. Me to heal, me to learn and me to work. It is for you also. I know you will find what you are looking for here. Welcome.
Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, love and laughter (good for the 
). Lots of great responses here. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do sober or not. There is nothing you can do about that. I suspect you know that already. No sense banging your head against the wall.
