The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am fairly certain now that my days on this particular job are numbered. I have two months at most here. I had a good interview last week for a job that's much nearer to my home and with better hours. I feel scared to even hope to get it. I have been so devastated by not getting jobs in the past. I know I got this job under such duress and I don't have to immediately get a job if and when I lose this one. The only good thing about where I live is that its cheap. That's the only good thing about it. Well another is that I can have my dogs. At the same time I'm supposed to be moving along and there is a certain amount of fear there for me. For the last few years I was with the A I became immobilized around work issues. I could not find a job, when I did find a job they were terrible, paid nothing and there were so many issues around them. I know I am a different person now but I still feel such pressure to somehow transform my current situation and I simply can't do it overnight. I may be years and years digging myself out of debt and years trying to get somewhere decent to live because the eviction damaged my abilty to rent. There are days when I can live with that and other days when like this one when I think of pounding the pavement ofr work that it all seems overwhelming.
I've been where you are now. It gets better. I would find a job just to have a job or because the job looked like it would be great. I was talking to someone the other day who went through the same thing. She kept praying to God and at the same time wrote down exactly what she really needed in a job to make herself happy. She said she would not settle anymore for less than she wanted. Then it happened. She found a job and it was better than what she wanted.
I know how miserable and tiring it can be just to make it through the day. Don't think about tomorrow, next week, or next month. Think about this moment only. HP has something in store for you. Be patient and relax. Let Go Let God. HP is right there with you.
I have definitely been there on the survival job mode. Last year in fear of homelessness I took whatever was in front of me. I have another interview next week and will keep working on this.
