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My son's father has finally gone to treatment, not sure if its because the court was going to order it anyway or if he really wanted to go. He wants his mother to bring our child to see him and said that I could come to if I wanted. Also said I was invited to come to the family day (if I want to go). So I guess my question is; what exactly happens on family day? We aren't together and I don't know if I can ever get past all the hurtful things he's said and done, and I can't just let myself forgive him because he was drunk, that's not a good enough excuse for me anymore. Do I belong there, I feel like it would be like showing him I want a relationship with him (I do miss him and I'm afraid I'm going to get sucked back in and have the same things happen again and again) Or is it a normal part of the treatment plan to have an ex gf come since I am the mother of his child. I know there is no right answer but any esh would be helpful.
My rehab experience was that family day was mostly an educational day. They educated us on the components of the disease and gave do's and don'ts for the transition out of rehab and into a life of sobriety and recovery. They also introduced the family to al-anon on that day. Remember, alcholism is a family disease, and since he is your son's father, he will be a part of your life whether you are together or not.
My biggest regrets are that I did not listen to the suggestion that ah should not come back home after rehab, and that I did not get into al-anon right away. Although in no way, shape or form did we cause it, nor can we control it or cure it, we still have to change so that we can cope. Also, I believe there is truth to the saying that they can't come home to an old idea (literally or figuratively). I've been in the program for 9 months now, and I am just now getting that.
I would encourage you to take this time to get as much help and education as you can. Immerse yourself in al-anon, both meetings and literature. It really is for you. You may want to call the rehab facility and ask what family day involves so you can make the decision that is right for you.
Keep coming back!
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Last August, I was invited to family day at my husband's rehab facility. Prior to the meeting, I was sent a questionnaire. It took me several hours to complete. It was difficult, but very cleansing. Only my husband's counselor reviewed it. My husband never saw it, nor did the counselor share what I wrote.
I was very reluctant to attend Family Day. It was from 8:30 - 4. But I did go and am glad I did. It really was for the family members and friends of the alcoholics. They talked to us about alchoholism; we all shared a little of our stories (very much like an alanon meeting). At the end of the day, we broke up in to small groups and shared the letters that each of us had written to our alcoholic. That was tough to do. But very cleansing. The alcoholic could only listen to what we said, not respond. There was a young family with two children under the age of 13. Both children spoke to their mother. They tore everyone up! Out of the mouths of babes! They spoke their truths and I thought it was very brave of them to do so and also so healthy for them!
I am very glad I went. I, too, worried that my attendance would be interpretted by my husband as I wanted to reunite with him. At the time, I was adamantly opposed to us getting back together.
Sometimes, it is just so hard to express myself when it comes to alcoholism and my experiences. I'm sorry - I'm stuck - thoughts are not flowing.........
With AH's rehab we had visiting day every Sunday. But first the familiy members had to sit through 1 1/2 hrs of educational matters. It was Alanon based, but not Alanon meetings. It gave us insight to this disease. We had open discussions etc. The only people who could attend where those that were on the A's list.
I think if you want to go to take your child, then that's fine. I would make it clear to him the reason you are here is for his child, not because you want to get back together. Because you two have a child together, you are presumably going to have to deal with him when he's sober. Just remember the dynamics of a sober relationship are much different than that of an active relationship. That's why sticking to your program is so important.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
At the facility that my husband was at, there was no educational component. We just had one day in his 21 that we could come up and visit, it wasn't really a set "family day".
If what you are facing is something like what the others have described, it sounds worth doing, even if you never get back together with him. If it's just a visit, though, his mom can take your son just as well.
