The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been an Al-Anon member for 4 years, and my life has improved in innumerable ways, but it isn't always happy, joyous and free, and tonight's one of those nights. It's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm wide awake, trying to keep the demons at bay. It seems like the times I need another Al-Anon voice the most is when it is far to early to call anyone. So here I am.
I don't really expect an instant response, but does anyone else have any ideas they'd like to share on how they deal with sleepless nights, when the committee in their head has insomnia?
Welcome....I can so identify with the sleepless nights. I have no fixes. I can tell you things I do :
turn on the light and read, usually fiction, till my eyes hurt
get on the computer as you just did to explore and communicate; I keep a running journal in my documents and can always use that outlet.
use headset/earphone and listen to CD's...sometimes music, sometimes instructional things that are boring or perhaps inspirational
wear a sleep mask; this shuts out all light and then I literally chant internal prayers....sometimes just the same words over and over
play mind games like tracing every step or mile of a route I used to take to school, work, someone's house, etc. Try to envision and verbalize each detail along the way
Now these things may work. It depends on the causes of the insomnia that particular night, usually worries about my family situation. I have asked for medication help but found those things just made me nuts and didn't provide any quality sleep for me. I hope you can find some remedy/relief eventually. Not being able to lose yourself in healing sleep is a true curse.
UGH....I hate those demons!! When they were at their worst, I took Tylenol PM to help me sleep and at one point, I talked to my doctor about a prescription medication to help. I was consistently sleep-deprived, which was not helping me heal or recover.
It also finally occurred to me that I could quiet the committee in my head by getting up and doing something instead of staying in bed, staring into the darkness and doing nothing. Something that really worked for me was to write in my journal. I was able to dump all of my thoughts onto paper and oftentimes, I was able to sleep when I was done. I never journaled before recovery, but I have come to learn the benefits that it offers.
When all else failed, I finally learned to just get up and physically do something so that I would at least feel like I had accomplished something, even if it was just throwing a load of laundry in the washer. Sometimes taking that physical action was enough to stop the thoughts in my head long enough to fall asleep.
The longer that I have been in recovery the better my sleep patterns have become--although there are still sleepless nights, but they are further and further apart. Hang in there and know that you are not alone!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Here's what works for me. Deep breath in 1 and focus on the 1 then deep breath out 1 still focusing on the one then 2, 3, 4 and so on to 10 and then start over. If you catch youself letting other thoughts in refocus on the number, try to visualize it in your head like you were watching sesame street LOL. If I honestly drive out all other thoughts and focus on the numbers I'm usually out quick. It's some eastern meditation thing I learned in college, the teacher had us try it in class and I fell asleep within a few minutes LOL.
Thanks for the tips that help you. Some of them I do already, others are new. These things normally work for ordinary sleeplessness, but as I'm sure you know, when it's the family situation, it becomes a tougher nut to crack.
My AH, after 2 1/2 years of solid sobriety, stopped going to meetings after Thanksgiving, has deliberately alienated his sober friends, is displaying increasingly irrational behavior, and is now socializing again with people he used to drink and use with. He swears he's sober, and he's never appeared drunk or loaded, but actions speak louder than words, don't they?
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I can't count on him 'coming around' and sooner or later I will have to abandon nearly everything to him, including the roof over our heads, if I want to be free of this disease. The question is, how long do I stick around? Do I leave now when it's just the writing on the wall, or wait until it's obvious that he's no longer sober, or the debt starts piling up again?
My AH's business finally turned the corner this year, and looked like it may even be profitable next year, but my own situation crashed when my employer passed away unexpectedly this summer, leaving me clients to take care of, and me not fully schooled in accounting to deal with it all. I have help to deal with questions when they arise, but doing the work and filing forms and such is completely up to me, and it's been nerve wracking. I lost more than a secure job though; my boss was also a friend with a very strong program. He was an anchor to many in his program, and an inspiration to me. We applied the steps and traditions nearly every day, whether it was a work issue or a personal issue, it didn't matter. When a particularly difficult client left the office, we'd look at each other and say, "well, at least we have each other". I miss his guidance in my work, and I miss his guidance in my program.
I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but it is just so painful sometimes.
The chat room here was a huge refuge here for me for a long long time. I have found this rom incredibly helpful. I look forward to a time ahead in al anon when I grow more. I have moments of serenity these days when I had none for years.
