The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I got some very sad news. A family friend has died suddenly. My ex-A who still stays with me rang me and was quite judgemental about it all as usual. My friend was a heavy smoker. He and his wife were exceptionally good to me when I was expecting my second child. At that time my ex-A went around a small local village which I am from, bad mouthing me and claiming that the child was not his. Very humiliating. My mother died when I was six months pregnant and this couple were incredibly good to me. Took my oldest son to stay with them overnight and even were willing to come into the birth which was so quick, they arrived too late but they were there. I feel devastated and have to face into the ex-As judgemental attitude. He was appalling new year's eve, very bad form, real white knuckle job, could not go drinking in the place he wished because of driving. I went out and acted out a bit which has upset me as I so thought I was passed all that, obviously not. I am going to go to the funeral and I am just happy to be able to post on this board.
He's your ex, right? Don't talk to him for a while. You don't need to listen to this. You can go to your roomm and close the door, if that's what you need, or leave the house.
What a tough time for you. I was so grateful this new years not to have to deal with the A. I am so grateful not to have that dread anymore and not to deal with the tantrums. I really appreciate the peace and quiet. You absolutely deserve to have devoted loving friends like this man was to you. I am so so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you can go to the funeral and celebrate his life. I am so happy for you that you had solace and care when your life was so very difficult. I am glad that you have enough recovery that you can be there for his wife and know there are people who are kind loving and functional. Please lean on us as much as you can. I know full well the sense of loss when I lost my mother the A was absolutely hopless and then accused me of not appreciating that he was grieving over the loss of his father years before. I felt desolate and condemed not to have any feelings at all. They can be so self absorbed.
