The material presented
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My ex sent me an email threatening to show up at my house. He thinks no contact from me is me punishing him. I really don't know if I should keep my eye out and wait for him to leave if he is out front of my home before pulling in or go about my business as usual. I don't even know what to say to him if he does show up. It was okay for him to ignore me for so long and I was just walking away to move on and escape the push/pull dynamics instead of trying to make it something it never was. I am at a loss of what to do. Does anyone have experience with this?
My ex didn't understand No Contact till I got it in writing from a judge in the form of a restraining order. Since then he has not attempted any contact. But my ex became violent on many occasions, has a crack addiction and a number of mental illnesses. That's been my experience. I know alot of times going No Contact will immediatly escalate things, but if you can stay No Contact, they get it and give up. Trouble is, as alanon's we have said things to the A then not followed thru that they usually believe that if they just keep at us we will cave as that is what has worked in the past. Time for consistency on our parts. If this is the decision you have made, stick to it no matter what. If you feel your saftey is in jeperody then call the police. Even if you feel like you'd be over-reacting, it's better to be safe than sorry, or hurt or dead. You have to do what you need to to take care of yourself. I am sorry this is happeneing to you.
I had something similar. I told my ex that I would there would be No Contact after ending things because I needed time to process everything and stand on my own. I said it very kindly but firmly. At first he said he understood and agree to the same, but then I got numerous calls, emails, etc (all unanswered). I think Serendipity is right. I had broken down before and not followed through and he didn't expect me to with this. But I did (still am, 5 weeks later) and his emails got angry and raging, swearing at me and calling me names. He never expressed physical violence towards me before (but he has towards others) so this made me really nervous. I had all the locks changed (he once had a set of keys and I worried he had made a copy). I don't know if he would have actually just come by but it made me feel more in control and secure. I promised myself that if there were further unwanted attention I would take steps to get a restraining order. There wasn't.
I think you should be better safe than sorry. It will probably taper off when he realizes you are sticking to your word. I would have the locks changed and think about a restraining order if he continues to threaten.
Hi kissers, forgive me I cannot remember. Do you have an R.O. on him?
He threatens to come to your house, but to do what? If he threatens to hurt your person, or you feel very strongly he will hurt you, you can get one. However a person must tell the judge they are truly afraid of him and his intentions.
You have been very strong, and using your program well. I am glad you are here.
My AH always threatened to burn my house down. I got an R.O. because one thing about most addicts is they are paranoid. So if you chose to get an R.O. I believe that would get your message across.
Oh and make sure you tell him to stay off your property. That is important to the judge.
Please keep us informed. I am concerned about you.
He only threatened to show up at my house because I won't contact him. How odd he would never come over to see me when I invited him. Now he thinks he can come over without an invitation. I am not afraid of him. I know HP is watching over me and will protect me. Thank you all for your concern. I know HP will give me the right thing to say if he confronts me.
