The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wife is an A and is cross addicted to ephedrine. She is attending meetings 6 days a week volunteers at the intergroup office 3 hours a week reads all of the serenity books but continues to use ephedrine. She will use before and after meetings but within the group she does not discuss her continued use. I have caught her stuffing pills in her mouth and tried to be supportive of her continued struggle with her addiction to these pills. It is so obvious when she is using but she still believes that she can hide it and no one will know.
I can never get an answer when I ask why she continues to hide her pill use from the AA group. I have asked if there is another program that may target the pills specifically but she has stated that a 12 step program is a 12 step program.
I guess it is her choice to deceive her group and let them believe she is doing wonderful working her program and it is my choice what I am willing to accept. I am so tired of living the addiction life and dealing with the emotional roller coaster that it is. It is such hard work and the payoff never lasts more than a few days so I am always looking over my shoulder for the next issue to arise.
I really do not know how people live this life year after year and endure the emotional damage these people do to themselves and those who love them.
Yep, you've got it - she makes her choices, and you make yours.
No point in asking her why - you KNOW why. She's an addict. Lying and denying is what addicts do.
This used to drive me crazy with my husband - AA people would say how wonderful he was, what an inspiration, and I'd think "Yeah, right, you should see what he's like at home...."
The more I think about it, though, the more I think that that's in some ways beside the point. The work he did in AA helped keep some people sober - I know that. There are people walking around with two or three years clean and sober who swear that it was my husband's sponsorship that got them there. HIs work in AA helped him keep himself away from his worst addictions (alcohol and drugs) so that he could start (slowly) working on his other addictions and, (again, slowly) start to heal and become a man with fewer demons chasing him. Does the fact that he was not perfect mean that the effort wasn't worth it? I don't think so.
The reality is, I think, that we ALL talk a better program than we actually walk. Sitting here, with all the time in the world, and the ability to edit what I say, I can come off as pretty serene. Sitting at my f2f, surrounded by support and understanding, I look pretty serene. Actually living my life, up to my elbows in discord and strife - well, not so much. Knowing, though, that this is what I believe, this is what I want, this is what I strive for, helps me pull myself up, bit by bit. The presence of loved ones and fellow program members who sometimes can call me on my BS is a big part of this.
So, your wife is working her program, just slowly. Eventually, the disconnect between what she says and what she does will become unsustainable, and she'll have some choices to make. Until then, she's gonna do what she's gonna do - what are YOU doing?
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, love and humor (good for the ).
I have attended many AA meetings with my AH. I have seen many people show up after they have been using. There is Naranon meetings for people addicted to narcotics. But in many ways she's right. A 12 step program is a 12 step program. Tiger is right she isn't fooling anyone. An addict knows. Remember: an addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do, sober or not.
Having said that, your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if she chooses sobriety or not. It's about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserves. None of this is your fault. You didn't Cause it. You can'y Control it. You can't Change it. I strongly urge you to find some local meetings in your area. You are not alone in this journey of recovery. Alanon saves lives. This program will give you the tools you need to take care of you. Please keep coming back. This program is so awesome.
I wish you a very Happy and Peaceful New Year, filled with serenity. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, love and humor (good for the 
). 