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I should be sleeping now instead of writing this, but maybe if I get it down and out of my head Ill be able to go to sleep a lot of it is about my AH, not me, but Im trying to change how I react, so a little background might help.
I left my AH last year; still waiting for the divorce to be final.He was thrown out of a Salvation Army program about an hour away from where I live, after calling OSHA about the working conditions (sober at the time).They threw him out at 7:15 pm the Tuesday before Thanksgiving didnt even give him his mental health meds. He spent the first night in a shelter and then I brought him closer to here.Hes been staying in a shelter, working his program, got a seasonal job things were looking up.
He called me about an hour ago, crying that he needed help.He was, of course, drunk. The shelter he's been staying in for the past month has a 10:00 pm curfew, and he missed it. He's been sober for over 8 months - the longest he's gone without drinking since he started as a teenager.
I told him I could no longer help him if he was drinking.I held my ground, and simply said I didnt know what he expected me to do.My kids and I are living with my mother and to say he is not welcome here would be an understatement.He wanted me to let him sleep in my car.I told him I couldnt do that.Then he started in on his Im such a loser rant that is SO old I didnt reply at all.Finally he hung up.And I turned off my cell phone.
I know hes in HPs hands; I cant save him.But its so hard tonight.The weather forecast is calling for freezing rain and rain in about 2 hours, through the night.And I know hes not dressed for that kind of weather.I think this would be easier in the summer!I know theres nothing I can do, but Im worrying myself sick over himMy family cant understand why I have anything at all to do with him.Its the disease I hate, not AH though.
To top it all off, my sister is getting married Sunday and Im making her wedding cake.So I need to get to sleep now but Im not so sure I can.
Thanks for listening.I know I have to take care of me and the kids first; and I will.This relapse is just more than I can handle this week
I know how you are feeling so well. It's hard to turn them over to thier HP. But you did what you had to do in order to take care of you and your family. I sometimes wonder if I had stood ground with hubby sooner than later might he have gotten sober sooner? But hindsight is 20/20. It certainly hasn't helped him stay sober. (He calls himself the chronic relapser. ) Try and keep the focus on you where it belongs. Much love and blessings to you and your family. Enjoy the wedding!
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I understand completely where you're coming from. Completely. My A exbf got thrown out of his mission program right after Thanksgiving for relapse. He lives overseas, and I wrung my hands for a week, worried sick - absolutely sick about him. I had no idea where he was. Whether he was alive or dead. It was a miserable week for me. I found out a week later that he had gotten himself into detox and was being cared for. One thing I was told (and came to realize) is that I am not his HP. Linda, your husband has a HP -and you are not it. You did the right thing by holding the line with him. Addicts are very resourceful. They will get their needs met. He tried getting them met by you, through manipulation. I, too, have heard the "I'm a loser" rant. It does get old. I hope you can take a break from the worry, and enjoy your sister's wedding - and take care of your children - who really need you. Stay strong.
Thanks guys - I said a few extra prayers for him last night, then did fall asleep. He called this morning, all apologetic. He walked back to the shelter and they did let him in. And I managed to sleep fairly well, considering I had two of my kids in bed with me again...
I'm off to make frosting and work on a wedding cake. If I don't get back here before, Happy New Year to everyone. I'm working on making 2008 all about ME!
