The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...running on empty. Not even one tear left inside of me to shed.
Had enough of the strife.
Cannot get my head around this disease that has caused years of dysfunction [and is still causing dysfunction] for me, my family and so many other people I love.
Stop the world I want to jump off.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
This too shall pass. I am so very sorry you are in a low spot. You are loved here. Try to take comfort in that. Let go and let God. Stay focused on the moment. I have been known to talk outloud to myself about what my hands are doing "I am washing the dishes....I am washing the dishes....I am washing the dishes" And once I start feeling a bit better, I sing what I am doing in my best opera-etic style (which makes the alley cats sing right along with me and probably alarms the neighbors). Hon, there is only one way to go once you get to where you are. Surrender and start climbing out.
Watch out for the gravity Susan. It will pull you back and it isn't the fall that will kill you it's the sudden stop!! So an attitude change might help. Think of it as a merry-go-round or what ever it might be called in your part of the world. Stop the Merry-go-round I want to get off worked for me.
HB, sometimes its good to empty out completely. That is what they told me about my laptop battery. Run it down until it dies then plug it in to recharge it.
I cried daily for years, every single day, no joke. I begged god to take either me or him away in order for us to separate for years. I left when I saw God was not going to be doing that anytime soon.
I got sick of crying. I got sick of looking like hell warmed over. My life was passing and all I was doing was bawling my head off.
Its not that I do not cry now, but when I do, and its rare- I do for a certain period of time and then its time to change the channel. And I find that YES, I do have control over changing the channel. I did not think I did but I am finding out I have control over many things about myself I did not think I did have control over.
Hon the world is so tough on us. It does not help when you don't have a family to help ya focus away from it.
I am guessing you live alone?
times can feel like it is all bad or ho hum.
for me hb I know it is depression. I gotta get my rear to the doctor.
It isn't normal to hate your life. Wish I could hep you somehow. You have been so supportive of me and my down time.
I know for me I have to keep busy. I do naturally.
You can pm me if you like. Maybe some thihg you are interested in would help ya to get into.
I know I am not feeling the joy of my life at all. Probably becuz it is really physically and emotionaly difficult.
It can be overwhelming Hb. but then I think about, itwill be ok, I can just mop the floors, it will be ok. I live in a very very small space. My dang roof leaks in my addition. big sigh.
what i am saying is, whatever is bugging me, I look at my options and fix it.
I had two twenty one year old pigs hb. that is old. my pots are so loved by me and they show love for me. Walter and sis had been together all the time they were here. well I found her dieing in the stall. freaked and somehow picked her up and brought herto the kitchen area, then I see walter stuck next to the wall by the other pigs. HE is a stick pig.
So get her in and then have to get him in. I lost her yesterday. But now here I am with this skinny old man potted pig in my kitchen corner...HE is on a bunch of nice clean blankies with two heaters on him.
I feed him constantly. He goes out to go potty.
My point is i look at him, and I love him so much and admire his will to go on, and even though he just lost his mate, He still appreciates the apple i gave him and is so happy to be in a warm bed.
At first he fought me, stood on sissy and would not let me take her out.So he slept with her one last time last night.
Animals tend to grieve, but can usually go on and find the same joys in life.
So I do my best to learn this from them. I do know they want to be with me more when I feel sad and like doing myself in. My horse gets right in my face.
Hb, if you can maybe replant a plant, or start a quilt, write in a jounal. I like to buff my feet. I like to keep them all soft and pink with nice polish....hey it is MAJOR considering I am in the mud most the time....and usually I have to admit, head hanging, in my slippers...I go out to maybe oh see if the horse is ok, he winnies and looks at me I am sunk gotta get to the truck to give him hay and grain. then the pots get up, then the chickens and ducks come, gads,everyone is looking at me and waiting...
go in and change? are you kidding??? lol so anyway what was my point???lol
oh feet.lol anyway sigh I Hope you have someone or someones to go to.
love,debilyn who always asks her hp to please hang on to me tight cuz it is a rough one....
If ya don't stay ya don't get to know how it all turns out...
I have been there many many times. I had no idea how to take care of me. Now I work on it, set small goals. Eat something you enjoy, start smalls. Go to the library rent a movie for you. I know this is incredibly hard if you are surrounded by craziness but we can build a boundary around ourselves.
When I came to this program I was absolutely desperate. I no longer am. I know for me its a long long long journey but I assure you it has absolutely been worth it.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have been there many times, in such despair that I didn't think I could go on for one more day.
I will pray that your HP will give your strength and a feeling of peace in your heart. We are all here for you a family that loves you.
Trust in HP to show you the way. I have found that the more I work this program the more peace and serenity I have. I could not have said that 6 months ago, I am very grateful.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
