The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, we admitted my A BF into Hospice yesterday afternoon. I am just waiting to receive the telephone call that he has passed away. I am relieved, sad, hurt, numb and angry all at the same time. I wrote him a goodbye letter and read it to him. I believe in my heart that he did hear every single word I said becuase when I held his hand and told him it was me he smiled and as I started to cry he got really restless. All signs to me that he was listening. Despite his addiction, he was a great man and I will miss him very much.
The only thought in my head now is, where do I go from here?
Your BF must have been truly blessed to have you in his life.
It is so very, very sad how this disease steals the ones we love from us.
And, in spite of their addiction, as you said, underneath, most A's I have known are kind, loving, great people.
Where do you go from here? Keep coming back. Even tho your A may not be a part of your life anymore, he was a part of your life, and if you are like me, associating with an A has affected you, your life, your thinking. That is why Alanon is so important. There is so much help here.
You are in the right place. It sounds like you did all you could for your A BF. Now, it is time to take care of YOU!
I am so sorry for what you are going through. There is nothing to watch someone love slip away. He knows you love him and that will be of great comfort to him. May your happy memories comfort you and your families. You're a wonderful person to write such a letter. He's very lucky to have you. Please keep coming back to your new family here. There's is lots of healing and support here. I will say an extra prayer for you and your boyfriend. Love and blessings to you both. You are not alone in this journey.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
We are an open wound when this part of life happens. Think of yourself as broken. Go easy,take naps. It helps to stick to surviving. Doing the simplest things.
If you listen to your body it will tell you what to do. IF you do too much you will know.
You will heal as fast as you do.There is no rushing it. I would not allow anyone to tell you to get over it.
Lots of love to you. I am saying this as my experience. I hope it helps some.
What courage, what love, what compassion. All beautiful qualities and signifiers of the very special person that you are.
So sorry to read of your situation.
When you get the call, keep remembering to breathe through it all and know that you have many others supporting you in thought, word and deed by whatever way they are able. You are in my thoughts right now and in my prayers this night.
And this family is here for you, always.
Heartbroken
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Aloha Maried105. How sad and yet you sound so accepting and strong. Thanks for that. We can and all need that during our times of sadness and grief. Where do you go from here? You go on and we can help you because many of us have gone on from this kind of change. Al-Anon can and will help you go on as a whole, real, important and supportive person.
First we will share your sadness and grief and at the same time we will share our hope with you and we will tell you there are miracles you could never imagine waiting for you from working this program. First we will share your grief.
Your post reminded me of the process of loosing one of my alcohoic relatives an alcoholic I was very close to, very attached to and who I shared much with including much addictive drinking time. The disease took full hold of his mind, body, spirit and emotions. It contributed to the cancer that ravaged every cell and left him bloated, discolored, weak, and unable to carry on beyond one or two beers a day starting very early in the morning. I had been given the miracle of this spiritual recovery program starting in Al-Anon and then gently into AA. I had the opportunity to visit with him before he died and found him alone, in the dark, resting from the pain while the family spoke nervously and quietly in the kitchen. I would no longer do that. To me like you he was still alive and there was life to be done so I walked into the dark bedroom and asked him if he was awake and he said he was. I asked him if he could sit up because we had shared alot together and at a time he considered me his eldest son while I lived with them while on active duty and beyond. I told him that we had never ever shared what really mattered and asked him if he would like a hug. He did and we did and we were still alive. In the morning after breakfast we shared an event that use to keep us glued together; an Atlanta Falcon vs San Francisco 49er football game. I can't remember who won that game. I do remember the differences in how we watched it. He drank and I didn't. He got drunk and I didn't. We put down each others teams and cheered their penalties and our own first downs and TDs and we laughed and the pain was gone. He didn't mind that I wouldn't drink again with him or any other person and I know he was more than okay with that because I also found he had made an attempt at recovery. It wasn't for him the pains of withdrawing from alcohol addiction were greater than the pain of dying from it and he made his choice and got sober in October of 1991 when he died. I drank with him and nearly lost my life from alcohol toxic shock and what saved me was fear. He was beyond the fear he had anestithized. Alcoholism and drug addictions are cunning, powerful and baffeling. In the end it may leave you with only the ability to sense life from a gentle hand squeeze and a faint smile that tells you "I'm still here, I can still hear you and feel your love, I am comfortable and there might still be a hope that the addiction won't find and steal."
I feel sure that your BF wants the best for you. I feel sure that he knows the addiction wasn't that best for you or for him. The addicted are not stupid and without feeling. They are very fully human and very deeply sick. He will want you to go on. He will want you to find the happiness that comes from inside of you and is not dependent upon the choices and consequences of others and their failures and successes. He will want you to find a power greater than the disease. He will want you to find others who can and will love you in a way you are worthy until you learn to love yourself that way also.
You just keep going. The sun rises again and sets again. Take care of you. Listen to your body. I don't believe there is a right way to grieve. Keep coming back. Take support when you need it. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I will keep you in my prayers. So sorry you are going through this.
My sister in law just recently lost her brother to this disease. She too read something to him as he was in a coma. She said that she felt that he understood as well.
Take care of yourself, keep coming here to read, and to share. We all care very much as we are a family, and now you are part of that family.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
