The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am married to a woman with a growing alcohol problem but who is firmly in denial despite being hospitalised twice (i.e. sectioned) and having had numerous run-ins with the police. She's even spent time in a state facility but still refuses to believe that there is anything wrong. I'm now fighting to find the strength to go on....so many shattered dreams and broken promises. At times I simply cannot stand her and this is having a devastating affect on our 11 year old daughter. I have filed for divorce twice, and each time changed my mind. I now feel trapped...like I will never have a normal life. What concerns me most is that I don't trust my wife and feel "dead" inside! I've never felt like this before...
I'm so glad you've found the courage to be honest that you feel powerless over this disease. Know you are in the right place. Know others have been in your shoes. Know there is hope to make the right choices for you and your 11 yr old daughter. Know that you are worth finding sanity and peace of mind.
Keep coming back, use your computer or the phone book to locate a face to face meeting in your town or city. Know that your daughter is old enough to attend Ala teen so she can stop feeling it's something she has done wrong.
This disease your wife suffers is ruthless, wicked, deadly and serious.
You have a right to set boundaries. You have the right to get better in spite of her choices. You are worth taking care of, you didn't cause this..you can't cure her and you (as much as we would like to believe otherwise) can't control her.
Things I do is get to a safe place. Speak with those who have walked in my shoes. Ask questions, find answers, believe there is hope.
Welcome David. It is a horrible realization knowing we have a big obstacle in our family.
It is my experience that normal, and addiction do not go together.
I mean we can work on getting our lives ok, and live with an A. But what we see as normal,I don't believe so.
If you can, attend al anon meetings, get as much reading material as you can. Educate yourself. It will help your whole family. Sadly it is going to be tough on your daughter.
But as soon as you get the knowledge,you can make it as ok on her as possible. If you fall apart she will be a mess. Kids tend to blame themselves.
There are many books for kids with A parents. I would get some asap.She will be going thru major changes soon, that on top of an active A gads...
Be kind to you. It is so hard to face this. Your wife is very, very sick. We cannot baby them or take care of things for them. It makes it worse. If we are enabling, we are making it easier for the disease to continue.
Plus it robs our life.
I hope you keep coming back. There is a chat room here and also meetings here online.
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and just a touch of humor (good for the ). There is nothing you can do to make her see that she has a problem. It has to come from her. None of this is your fault. Or anyones for that matter. She has a powerful, baffling, cunning disease.
Having said that, your recovery is absolutely possible. You are not alone in this journey. Many, many have travelled the same path. Your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if she chooses sobriety or not. It's about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve.
I strongly urge you to find some local meetings in your area. They are very helpful. Please go back and read the old posts. Read as much as you can about this disease. Read and attend as many Alanon meetings as you can. It will help you make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your daughter. You have the courage to do what it takes to take care of you and your daughter. The fact that you found this sight and posted is the first step. Well done. We are always here for you. We have meetings as well as open chat. Please come join us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I was wondering where I had left my diary now I know you have been reading from it. Your story complete with thoughts and feelings is my story except it gets better much better when you get to the parts and beyond of what happened after I found the Al-Anon family Groups. I won't tell you for now because you might not be in a place to hear it; in your own denial. It has to be experienced by making the decision to not make any decisions for yourself over the next 90 days except to get in and around the Al-Anon Family Groups including this online 24/7 help site. Make a decision to stop any and all reactions you are having to the disease and your ill wife except to have it drive you back here to listen, learn, practice and share what is going on with you negative and positive.
This oasis is called Miracles in Progress. It is not a marketing ploy or an imaginative trick to get you to purchase anything. There are miracles (real ones) here and the price you pay is keep coming back, sit down, listen, learn, practice and then share yourself with others. That's it...Keep it simple, one day at a time and Let go and Let God.
I don't want the diary back. That was the past it's entitled "Before". Go lose it somewhere and start another diary...you can title it "After".
Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and just a touch of humor (good for the 
). There is nothing you can do to make her see that she has a problem. It has to come from her. None of this is your fault. Or anyones for that matter. She has a powerful, baffling, cunning disease. 
