Frieds - Al-Anon Family Group

Codependent · Senior Member

Frieds

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember what you read I think when Kissers made this response
to Lou:

"In the book, "Getting Them Sober", the alcoholic uses the "friends" term to control you. Don't fall for it. Please take the time to love yourself."

I haven't read this book so maybe someone else can enlighten us on this.

I'll have to admit it took me awhile to translate your question without you being able to use the "n" key. weirdface

At first I thought this was a question to a member OU optimistundone but then I saw the Oe with an n became the word One and I started adding more n's. The topic of frieds is so funny to me, I don't know why, just tickles my funny spot and I get now that it means friends for the topic.

Let's see if someone else can help us both understand how the friends term can be used to control us.

hugs from your fried..... tee hee biggrin

ddub

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Co!!

Missing an n doesn't mean it's the n to everything does it? When your Alcoholic calls you friend (fried) what exactly does he mean? What exactly is it my business? I'm going to bed now. Keep coming back.

((((hugs)))) smile

kissers · Senior Member

Their disease knows we have a fear of abandonment, so anything said to make you feel hurt is what the disease does. There's nothing wrong with saying that your partner is your best friend. But, when your husband suddenly makes a statement that you should be friends it is meant to keep you on your toes. My A ex boyfriend suddenly decided after we had become physically and emotionally intimate that we should go back to being friends first. I was so hurt at the time and couldn't understand what I did wrong or why he distanced himself. I never did anything wrong. It was the disease talking. If you read some of the excerpts, you will see what the disease does. http://www.ceu-hours.com/gts/index.html

Codependent · Senior Member

That's it. Whe we would be livig together, sleepig together, have a child together he would always remid me ad everyoe else- eve stragers- that we were just frieds....

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

I understand this better too now and that is
very hurtful like so much related to this
disease.

I feel bad to have fun with the missing "n"
when that must drive you crazy on top of the use of "friend"
to control us. I have struggled with the fear of abandonment
from a situation since I was 5 and I have to be aware that
I am not being over sensitive. But there were many times this was
a sensitive item used against me and it makes me angry when I
glance back. I really really dislike this disease!!

Remember you are special!!
hugs, ddub

Codependent · Senior Member

I am glad my missig letter made you laugh- we eed to do that more ofte. I hope to get it fixed soo as the letter ext to the g is goig out too.
I read the excerpts but could't fid the metio of frieds...

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hey did ya get your N back? I am always shaking out my keyboard. You can take a q tip and carefully clean around it. Probably just has something stuck where it needs to press down.
the key thing does come off too.

get back here you. love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.