The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We are cooking dinner for my AH's family. Not only are they dull, but either they are drunks or make my co-dependency look like child's play. You can't sneeze without everyone discussing it. So, I am trying to brace for them - how badly I would rather be with my family where we actually enjoy being with each other and aren't looking at our watches the whole time. So many awkward silences, so many issues that have not been dealt with though everyone knows them. Add in a few girlfriends who I don't even know and it really rounds out the evening. They don't play board games. They don't watch football. They drink and tell each other how to fix their lives. Personally,I don't know why we bother when they don't want to be here any more than we want them over. I appreciate any vibes of serenity. I am trying to meditate and take deep breaths. It will be okay.
I am sending you all the serenity I have to spare today Optimistundone. I too just try to remember to breathe when I am in a situation that stresses me.
I hope that you make it through your day with as little unplesantness as possible.
Sending you peace across the airways, it will not last, it is but a moment in time that will pass away. Give it to your HP is what I believe this forum would say.
At times like these I visualise the most idyllic setting I can and concentrate on that rather than the reality, then I let go of the angst with every breath I breathe out.
Love HB
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Is there any humor to be found or extracted from the dysfunction? That has helped me get thru some of those boring, psyco family dinners. Good luck and I'll be saying a prayer that one of the new GF's brings something more than alcohol and criticisim to the table!
OU, I agree with Seren, is it possible to locate some humor? Also, you may just have to chalk this one up this time around but it might be good to examine some options of what you can do differently another time and aim for that/focus on that next time. Consider some Plan B's.
One thing my sister and I do (and I thank GOD for my sister because she is a HOOT) is include other friends/families/people outside of the family to join in, sometimes spontaneously or friends of the kids, etc. It makes everyone behave much better because there are "guests" present. All the better if these outsiders are really entertaining and amusing and good conversationalists. Also, the more people, the easier it is to "hide" when you need to. New people spark things up, keep things light and spontaneous and no one really has the opportunity to get into their usual "rut".
Just some thoughts. Holidays can be about OPENING homes to those who do not have a place to go or be for a holiday. My most fun and best times have always been when this is an element- either I have been an orphan or others join the "usual" cast of characters. Since you are the hostess, you can decide this. Some good places to look? church, foreign exchange students (always a riot), colleges and universities, etc.
Aloha O-U...So after the fact how did it all turn out? I always like the hindsight because it keeps me humble. I don't always know and my expectations are usually tainted by my attitudes and not the reality. Lets hear how it comes out because that is where the lesson is.
Your prayers were heard. We had beer in the fridge that neither my m-in-law or her boyfriend liked. AH couldn't drink b/c he had to work tonight. We had an "orphan" come to dinner which kept everyone in check. H was very involved in the prep work, which is rare. The kids were great, nobody (grown ups in particular) griped about their presents. I made them play a game and no crazy drama. Not bad at all. Thanks gang.
