The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Though this won't be the Christmas of my dreams, it will one heck of a lot better than last year.
Last year my ah was with us the whole time, but was severely depressed and impaired the whole time. He was anti-social and slipped away to be alone whenever he could.
For the past 18 yrs, I have orchestrated everything, always frustrated making our time schedule around him. This year I feel peace. I planned Christmas for me and the kids and didn't say a word to him about what the plans were. He asked what we were doing. He asked if he can come to my parents' house. He wants to know when we are going to his family's house. He wants to be a part.
I did most of the shopping, but my h helped some. He took the kids out to buy for me and yesterday he even offered to get the last gift, which was one for his mom. I hesitated (why?), but then agreed. He had the great idea of a gift basket. I bought the basket and he got the contents together and did a wonderful job!
The kids are trying to arrange for him to spend the night on Christmas Eve. They said they want a "normal" Chritsmas. I think they may also want to make sure he doesn't come sauntering in around 11:00am on Christmas morning when there are presents to unwrap! It doesn't matter to me one way or the other.
I hope my feelings/actions are part of detachment. But then, I get these crazy thoughts, like, maybe experiencing the holidays sober this year (50 days today and heavily working a program) will give him an awakening and he will experience joy that he never has before. More realistically, however, I think experiencing the holidays sober may make him agitated and feel crazy. I just have to keep telling myself that it is not my problem. Yes, I still have work to do!
It comes down to me letting go of the way I want things to be and accepting them for what they are, and will probably end up being. Now I just need to get to the point where I will be truly okay with that. That is my work for 2008.
Thank you all for being my support and sounding board this past year. I am so glad I found you! You have blessed my life tremendously.
I wish you all peace this holiday season. We will get through it.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
The more I read in the newspapers, and talk to other people, not in the program, about the holidays, the more I think EVERYONE would benefit from keeping expectations realistic at Christmas.
