The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling so good about life again. I am working so hard to change my co-dependent habits - counting beers/pills, letting H dictate my moods, ignoring my needs. As if that isn't hard enough, AH is fighting me every step of the way. I never realized that this journey would be so difficult. It is long overdue, but it is difficult. This warrior woman continues to fight for the life that she deserves!
OU, don't stop, you are the only one who can make the change- LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. Let him do whatever he is going to do, keep your focus on yourself. You are an inspiration! Hugs, J.
hello optomist , l love your nick by the way . Yeah he is gonna fight any kind of change commin his way alcoholics need to maintain control and any change appears to be a threat and they react . stand firm and keep going they adjust eventually . Treat him with respect and continue on your journey. I hope u have added f2f meetings to your schedule yur worth the effort .and so is your relationship
You sound very motivated. It is very freeing to realize we really can make our own decisions, and we are not responsible for anyone elses inventory.
May I say the first step teaches us that we are powerless over their addiction disease. I read you saying it is so hard, very difficult.
When a person seriously realizes their A has a disease, things change. We understand that we have no power to change this disease anymore than any other. Could we stop a diabetic from eating sugar? Nope.
There is no fight. More there is a serenity of detachment. We no longer look for bottles, get mad when they are drunk or high or low. We also feel a letting go feeling, the tensess goes out of our shoulders, we really KNOW and BELIEVE our life is totally separate from their disease.
We don't have to listen to the disease rave or be bossy or be stupid. We are happy and serene inside. We don't feel guilty about walking away. I mean afterall it is just a disease that has taken over our loved one.
It is sorta like how we can watch tv and not see or hear anything else. We learn to tune it out.
I see an A and I feel very empathetic, and sad. I will not enable them, but I know for sure they are very, very sick.
I looked at my A and always felt so sad when I realized it was over, that he would never find recovery again.
It is not a "it sucks to be you" for me. It is more that my path went a different direction.
Well my dear take what ya want and leave the rest. I hope something I said may make it not so difficult. It is not difficult when ya let go and let hp.
The hardest part is rewiring my mind, saying to myself over and over that I cannot control someone else and I cannot control this disease. It's hard enough making these changes internally. There is this man jumping up and down begging me to do it. Begging me to focus on him and not on me. That's the challenge. I have come to the realization that only a HP can do this, so I am working hard on the things that I can control. He sent an email trying to drag me into his unhappiness and it was freeing to say I am working on me. I can't control how you are feeling. My first instinct would have been to apologize for something I didn't cause. Growth within me is happening. Tuning out the t.v. is going to take some practice. Thank you for your responses.
A hobby that helps you get your mind off of things and is meditative seems to help. I have sheep and like to spin wool. It is so relaxing and calming to have my hands in the fiber while I prepare it and then spin it into yarn. I am learning to make myself take the time for these things that I so enjoy.
Have a Merry Christmas!
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
