The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Everyone experiences some kind of stress in life. Money, children, work, bills...then come the other pressures...sex, A/drugs...guilt. A whole whirlwind of private hell that each and every one of us get to travel through at some point in our lives. My problem is coping. Coping with an AH...stress. Coping with 'recovered' drug addicted parents...stress. Coping with feelings of never being enough of a wife, mother or daughter...stress. Coping with motherhood and juggling with A issues...stress. Coping with work and never feeling the pat on the back for a job well done...stress. Let's not forget holiday stress and "did I do enough, get enough, forget someone???" Inner struggles. Those are my true demons. Dark, twisted thoughts that seem to suck my glow of life. And it seems that people that I know--coworkers, family members--have no trouble reminding me that I don't smile enough...that I am not happy enough...that need to be happy. Don't get me wrong...I know that I don't come across as a "bubbly person" with the cheerleader grin and "brilliant personality," but I can be happy. I can smile. I can laugh. But I struggle just as much as the next person. I have my stresses just as much as the next...if not more. And I get EXTREMELY tired of people reminding me that I am not smiling. (Honestly, I don't walk around with a constant frown.) Coping with this is a HUGE issue for me. Then I get to hear...that is depression...take a pill for not being able to smile. This makes me angry. I CAN SMILE! I CAN BE HAPPY! I am just having a day! It isn't like this everyday...but others don't seem to see that I guess. Sometimes I truly do wonder whether or not something in me is broken, that maybe I should have some plastered grin on my face. I try to be "normal" towards others, just so I don't have to hear the "aren't you ever happy" speech. I try to be a "team player" and act as those that I am around see a different side of me. I try to fight my demons--hide my pain, my stress, my problems. Deal and cope...cope and deal. Then....I get angry. I can't understand why people don't just back off. Maybe my life isn't something so wonderful and I am doing what I can...just one day at a time. "Leave me be!" is what I sometimes wish I could say and not offend people. And I don't think that taking antidepressants will help me deal with these demons and life struggles. I am dealing with demons that others either won't understand or refuse to even try...coping with stress of all kinds...mixtures of guilt and struggling with emotions. Sometimes its all I can do just to remember to breathe! In and out. Thank God for this site...and the one ability to vent where others truly can understand (I hope!). Thanks for listening.
Taking things one day at a time.... Just For Now
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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
JFN, I have been told I do not smile enough, also. I have been told that I have attitude problems all my life, too. Things like: "You would be a lot prettier if you smiled more" from family and employers. "Smile!" on demand from people. I know it gets really bothersome. Why do people feel like its OK to offer me unsolicited advice?! Goes back to what other people think of me is none of my business!
It was a revelation to travel and see that in many parts of the world, smiling and being bubbly is considered inappropriate. In eastern europe, for example. In the Baltic region and Russia. And let me tell you something. When someone does genuinely smile and act happy ITS AUTHENTIC and when you are in the presence of it, ITS AN HONOR because you know that someone is sharing something very special with you. Americans are known as being loud, obnoxious and overly emotional.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I know you laugh and smile, its when you really mean it. People closest to you understand this, hopefully. The rest are a bunch of idiots. Hugs, J.
I have a deep mistrust for people who have a smile pasted to their face. To me it seems like they are trying to hide something. Not that I don't smile I just feel that a smile should be genuine.It sounds to me like you are a normal person, with normal emotions.
My AH is the type of person who freaks out if I have a bad day. When I am over tired usually from working to hard, I tend to get real cranky. He usually takes it way to personal. This doesn't happen too often, but this time of year it tends to happen more often.
I used to let it bother me when he would flip out if I got mad, but since Al-Anon I have realized that I am entitled to be myself, and if others don't like that it's their problem not mine.
When I read your signature, it seems to me that you are an optomistic person most of the time, since you love laughter. Be true to yourself!! If others can't handle that too bad for them.
Have a very Happy Holiday Season and a prosperous 2008!!
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Many people seem to be threatened by what they see as negative emotions (ei; the lack of positive emotions). For me it is as anoyying to be arouund falsely happy, happy, happy people as it is to be around constantly negative people. They are both dishonest. The always happy person is delusional. The always negative person refuses to take responsibility for their own life and happiness.
I don't know how to tell either to bug off without being rude, so usually just try to ignore them. I suppose if one were persistant enough I would just use the program and tell them, as politely as possible that they are not responsible for my feelings. Come to think of it, I did do that with my AH. Seemed to work, but took some getting used to for him.
Anyway, Have a good Christmas.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
